Let's Get Silly

Friday, December 16, 2011

Fancy Nancy Can Bite Me

As all things do, it all began so innocently...

I'm going to make Fancy Nancy cupcake toppers for Nora's Fancy Nancy themed birthday party!  This is going to be a cute and economical way to make the small touches to her party awesome!  A friend took the time to create the super cute images for me, I just have to print them out and use the hole punch she gave me.  Easy peasy!  

OK.  Having some problems with the printer.  It's not happy with the card-stock.

Got it to print on the G*d D#!N card-stock, now I'm going to use the hole punch.

Crap, it keeps cutting off the image weird.  How do you get this stupid paper to sit in the hole punch correctly?

Christ on a bike!  I need to make more copies because I ruined all of them trying to use the hole punch.

Text equally craft challenged friend to let her know I'm near tears over cupcake toppers.  She assures me I'm still a good person.

MOTHER TRUCKER!!!!!!!!!!!!  THE PRINTER!  

Printed them out again.  Phew.

HOLE PUNCH I HATE YOU.

Dog is now eating the scraps all around me as I sit and stare in wonderment at the hole punch thing-a-ma-doo, thinking about the fact that the friend who nicely created the topper images for me will be at the party tomorrow and see first hand that I'm a dill hole.

Google "how to use the Fiskars hole punch" and be led to a site giving them praise for being so user friendly that arthritic elderly people use them with ease.

Feel a hatred towards Fancy Nancy that I've never experienced towards any other person.  

Text husband that I can't be all things to all people:  He's had to travel for work this week, I've had sick children, a birthday party, Christmas cookie exchange and Christmas party stuff to handle for the last week.  I AM BUCKLING AND THE CAKE TOPPERS WANT TO KILL ME!  

Husband texts me back and asks me to put the hole punch down.

Call Walmart and ask them to add sprinkles to the cupcakes that I ordered since they will have no cupcake toppers.

End the experience by contemplating that whenever I've seen Martha Stewart's daughter being interviewed, she comes off as cold and dour.  

Pat my own back that I'm not like Martha Stewart and instead have lovely, happy daughters.  Feel smug.

Write blog about this experience because that is one thing I can do. 

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

...and when they offer you handouts on the street, of cynicism and defeat, you tell them that they really ought to meet your mother...

Dear Nora,

Most parents would say that they can't believe how fast time has gone- here you are 6 years old. 

But for me, the only time you ever acted slowly was during pregnancy and labor.  You would not have come out if not absolutely forced.  And still you love to be cozy, taking twenty minutes each night to arrange your blankets, stuffed animals and ten books all around you. 

But once you hit this world you joined it with a vengeance.  You have rarely been cautious when it comes to experiencing life and you don't waste time.  I'm not surprised you're 6 in the same way I am surprised your sister is already 15 months.  Does that make sense?

You are a people person.  Your roughest hours are the ones between 3pm and bedtime, because we only have three other people in this house.   That kind of person to Nora ratio simply does not meet your needs.  

You have this wonderful love for the rather mundane things in your life.  You love an adventure, but you thrive on your daily life and in this way I understand you.  You want to walk into a huge building each day and surround yourself with all sorts of characters.  You do everything big- if you are going to be in preschool, you are going to know every person in that preschool and even have the director wrapped around your finger.  Now that you have started elementary school it is the same.  When I walk through your new school the principal, nurse, librarian, counselor and even the lunch lady talk to me about you.  We've been trying to meet people in this new area, and it seems each person I meet at our church says to me, "Oh, Nora's your daughter?  I taught her in Sunday school, she's a character!".  You own your little world and I know that already our limitations and attempts to control it make you resentful.  

You are frustrating.  SO frustrating.  Our constant battle is against you operating like the 3rd adult in this house.  Dad and I can not communicate with each other without your constant intercessions.  You make arguments so well sometimes, that the only reason you do not win the battle is because we know we need to stick to our guns to make sure the line is drawn between you and us.

You are also the joy in this house.  You make simple situations seem so special and important and full of opportunity.  Cartoons in the morning!  Pizza and a movie on Friday night!  A bubble bath in mom and dad's big tub!  Chalking our driveway with a family portrait! Getting to wear a skirt that looks like a tutu!
I hope you always keep the mentality that the simple things in life are the most fun, because the grass is always greener mentality tends to hit us all.  And it's so exhausting.  

Out of all of us, this year has probably been hardest on you.  Shortly after you turned 5 we moved 1,000 miles away.  The distance meant nothing to you, but the fact that you had to leave your 4K class, friends and family is something you are still not over.  I think you have completely moved forward, and then suddenly you'll express some sadness that hurts me to the core.  It's all still in your head, what you've left.

I hope that when you look back on this change you see that it allowed us to give you more than we had been able to before, and that was 100% our motivation in leaving all those things behind.  Your education, home, spiritual life, surroundings, and opportunity- all of these things are better.  What you may come to know as you get older is how much it cost us too.  It was an investment in your life, to chase this opportunity. 

I also hope when you look back you'll remember all the visitors we had in the first year we lived in this place- both sets of grandparents twice, Aunt Julia, Uncle Dave, Hailey and Caleb, Aunt Meghan, Sarah and Addie, and Mark.  And the ones who have not been here yet are always trying to figure out how to work it into their very busy lives.  These people will always come find you in this world.

This move occurred at a time when you became a big sister and our family dynamic shifted from dad and I obsessing over your every breathe for five years (I can remember you having a coughing fit one day, and before I realized that dad and I were both staring at you with concern, you looked over and said, "Guys, I'm fine."), to having to share that focus with, of all things, another little girl.  On top of all of those things, your sister was born with a fixable, yet stressful medical situation.  I know that must have been hard.  All the doctor visits (where you would point out to those examining her: "She doesn't like what you are doing!"), all the discussions of the baby, and at times my focus- out of fear of the unknown- had to shift towards protecting Evie.  

I hope when you look back on this time you don't remember all of those things, I hope you remember Nana spending time with you singing songs, staying in a hotel and taking that cab ride you thought was so awesome.  I hope you don't remember us being tired or scared or stressed while we stayed in the hospital with Evie, but instead I hope you remember getting to eat ice cream for breakfast the morning after her surgery, a secret Nana told you to keep but you just couldn't hold in!  I also hope that you remember that Dad and I beg Evie for kisses, but she only consistently gives them to you.  And Elmo.

Your brain has exploded with learning now.  You are reading and using words like 'literally' in their correct context- which is more than I can say for most people.   You see patterns in this world now and you see basic math situations and point them out everywhere we go.  It's been an exciting past year.  I can not imagine what this new year will bring.

My mom used to tell me that this was my world, and everyone else was just living in it.  Um....no.  She never met you.

Nora, this is YOUR world.  The rest of us are just living in it.
Love you,
Mom

Monday, December 12, 2011

Another Season, Another Reason Why Sister Wives Would Be Helpful.

Christmas is a difficult time for those of us who are challenged.  

While people are perfecting their handmade holiday decorations, here in Team R land we are still tripping over the Christmas decoration boxes we brought out of storage weeks ago. 

We decorated our home at the beginning of December, yet the boxes still lay here.  At this point we must ask, do we bother putting them away?  Soon we'll just have to get them out again to put all this red and green crap back.  



There is a smug woman out there right now who has completed all her baking, shopping and wrapping.  Now she's just sitting back, ready to bask in the holiday joy.  

Meanwhile while fervently purchasing gift cards on the internet to offer people the ultimate personal gift this year, I noticed our toddler was MIA.  I found her in the bathroom, where she was playing in the toilet with a spoon.  When I came out of the bathroom with her, I walked into the living room where the dog was eating my wallet.  

While moms are planning the perfect Elf on the Shelf moment, I'm scrambling because I messed up and Nora ended up seeing Evie's Santa presents.  To get her back, I'm thinking of hanging a freaky Elf on the Shelf elf by its toes over Nora's bed whilst she sleeps, so that she wakes with it hovering overhead.  

I was worried about having a decorated Christmas tree this year, because we have both a toddler and a puppy.  I was certain they would both be pulling down ornaments and breaking them.   

How did that pan out?  Well, let's check out the situation so far:

Broken Ornaments for the 2011 Christmas Season
Toddler- 0  
Puppy- 0  
Mom- 3

Every day I'm receiving lovely family portraits that people have sent out as their Christmas cards.  


Meanwhile, I don't have Christmas pictures of my beautiful girls.  But I do have these to share at holiday parties:



I can only assume he found this hussy in a bar somewhere.






I'm especially proud of this holiday moment.




Nora's hair is caught in Mosby's dog collar.
Yes, that actually happened.  My faithful  readers may remember The Strawberry Shortcake Car incident, click here to read about that one.

So, I wrote this blog with YOU in mind.  That's right, you right there.  The one who put her cookies in the oven to bake and then went out to get the mail, started chatting with a neighbor and forgot all about the cookies, only to come home to charred black cookies that look like the Grinch's heart before it grew.


I salute you, other challenged girls.  Somehow our families end up just as happy as those who pull off a Christmas that looked like Etsy and Pinterest threw up all over it.  


Merry Christmas!  



Wednesday, November 30, 2011

2011 ~ The Year Of The Giant-Ass Spiders

In order to celebrate the closing of 2011, I would like to share what I have learned this year.  Obviously, most revolves around moving from Wisconsin to Texas.  

Whenever possible I linked it to my old blog posts, because sometimes it's nice to read about a train wreck more than once.  


Here is a side note for my dad:  Anything in pink is a link.  Please don't call me and ask me where the links are, or what a link is.  Just click and enjoy!

Armadillos jump.  Also:  It's not possible to actually find an armadillo that hasn't been smashed in the road. As God is my witness, I WILL one day see an armadillo.

A  gelding means a "horse that ain't got no balls".  


When you cancel all your original air travel plans because your cat is not allowed to fly,  and take on the arduous task of driving to Texas, that cat will kick the bucket a few weeks after you get to Texas.  


You will then promise your heartbroken and homesick daughter a dog.  And all hell will break loose.



When you are trying to keep yourself under the radar and just give yourself time to acclimate to your new life in a new state, that is the exact moment when your daughter will crack her head on a pool slide, hundreds of people will be cleared out of the pool, and ambulances will be called.  This blows all anonymity for the rest of the summer at the pool, by the way.

Try as you might to not have an accent around your new Texas friends, saying things like "you betcha" and "ya know" are mighty hard habits to break after growing up in Minnesota.

When you live in the Midwest and the temperatures hit 100 degrees for several days, you will be urged by the news media to "check on the young and the elderly", drink lots of water and stay in your home whenever possible.  When it happens in Texas the weather man just says, "It's going to be hotter than a mother  f#$&-er  again today."

When it rains in Texas, local news channels will actually send someone out to the field to provide us with a live shot of the light sprinkle.  If it stops raining before their live shot, they will actually show you the rain drops on their rain jacket.  This actually happened.

It's surprisingly hard to find good BBQ in Texas.  But when you do, it's like a religious experience.


When moving to Texas from the Midwest, one of the saddest things is the idea of missing out on the beautiful Midwest fall.  Then you experience the Texas fall and you realize, like everything else about the move, it will be OK.





                                                            Bring it on 2012!

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Remember How Your Parents Forgot You Places? Oh, Wait That Was Me.

When I was a kid, my parents brought me to a zoo in California that had an alligator pit.  Naturally, my head got stuck between the fence post that surrounded the alligator pit.  Naturally, my parents turned around and left the exhibit not realizing their beloved child's head was dangling above the alligators. Can you say middle child?  No one noticed. 


Soon they realized I was not with them and retraced their steps.  They found my ass sticking out of a fence and several zoo employees gathered around me, along with a small gathering of zoo patrons enjoying the show.  I was too young to remember, but I'd like to think there was a tub of butter or Crisco that they were rubbing on my head to pop it out of there.  Regardless, I was not eaten by the gators, so although I must have blocked it out, I did in fact escape.  


Interestingly enough, I'm not that scared of alligators.  I mean, I'm appropriately scared given that they can rip my face off.  But I have a larger fear of Ronald McDonald, Oompa Loompas, and the word 'panties'.  Maybe it's because for a short time, I lived among the gators in their habitat at the zoo.  You know, like the boy who was raised with the wolves?  He was totally down with wolves.


Fast forward to kindergarten.  You know how a teacher decorates her classroom with the students names and birthdays?  My mom noticed that mine said August 3.  She corrected the teacher, telling her that was the wrong birthday.  The teacher said that August 3 was the date she was given in the front office.  I'm going to fast forward this little tale to the part where my mom found out SHE HAD BEEN CELEBRATING MY BIRTHDAY ON THE WRONG DAY!  When she brought them a copy of my birth certificate for my school file, all was revealed.


And, to add insult to injury, she had thought my birthday was later in the week.  So there I was, a young kid whose parents let her head get stuck in an alligator pit, and I was not even celebrating my birthday on the day it was happening.  My real birthday just passed like any regular day.  We probably ate fish sticks or something vulgar on the day of my birth!  I should have been dining on mac and cheese!  


She could never tell me how many years she had screwed up the date, but she did love that story. 


FYI- if you are questioning the validity of these stories just know that my dad reads this blog and can verify.  
Also know that if you are questioning these stories, it tells me that you had a normal upbringing.


So, next time you are wondering about how I got this strange, just reflect on these stories.


P.S.~Next time, maybe I will tell you about how my sister (who I also talk about in this post) accidentally cut my finger off in our front door.  


Click here and vote for this blog to win the parenting.com funniest mom blog award. Like I said, I won't win, but it will help me find some new blood to read my drivel. Thank you!! 



Thursday, October 6, 2011

Be Scared World, I'm Part Of The Brain

Yesterday I made a decision I'm very excited about and wanted to share today.  I joined The Brains of a site that I've loved for a long time.  The site is Band Back Together.



The Band Back Together Project (The Band) was started in September 2010, by Becky Sherrick Harks.  You may know her from Mommy Wants Vodka.  Awhile back I wrote about her in this post.  


The Band began as a weblog and has grown into an incorporated business and eventually a non-profit organization


I'm excited to join The Band and want to promote Band Back Together today.  



Here is the mission:



“[…] a group weblog that provides educational 
resources, as well as a safe, moderated, supportive
environment to share stories of survival. Through  
the power of real stories written by real people,  
we can work together to remove the stigma  
from mental illness, abuse, rape, baby loss, and  
other traumas, so that we may learn, grow, and  
heal. All are welcome.


Becky's motto for the The Band is this:  We are none of us alone.


It's a simple statement but it is meaningful to someone in their darkest hour. 


If you ever need a resource, the band will find it if it's not already on the site. 


If you have something to write and share, so that others may not feel alone please click on this link to learn how to contribute.  One time I did:  Twenty-Two Pounds.


Now, I will leave you all to ponder how scary it is that I'm part of a brain.







Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Let Me Make You Feel Better About Whatever Poor Choice You Made Today.

Sometimes I'm pretty sure that some of you enjoy this blog because it makes you feel really good about your own life and how well you handle it.  This post is going to bring that kind of happiness.

For the 8ish years we lived in The House That Tried To Kill Us, we paid our water bill by letting it roll into our mortgage.  We would get the bill and just put it out of our minds.  I have no idea if this was a good idea, but it does nothing to ones credit and it allowed us to take care of it over time which worked well for us.

Our water bills prior to moving south were very low.  I didn't know they were low at the time, but now that I've lived in the desert for 6 months, let me assure you- they were low!  We now have a sprinkler system as Texas receives rain about twice a year, and if we didn't have sprinklers our house would fall into the big crack that would likely form.

When our water bills arrive I get a bit nauseous, so I've been happy to know that they will just roll over into our mortgage.  Because let's face it- they have to be paid no matter how much they are, so we may as well spread it over the year.  

Fast forward a few months into living here.  I was meeting a friend for lunch and decided to shower in the morning rather than waiting until my husband got home when I usually scream, "I NEED TO FREAKING SHOWER BEFORE THE DAY ACTUALLY ENDS!" in a very calm and rational manner.   

So, I turn the shower the shower head to on..... and....nothing.   Well, there was something.  It sounded like our pipes were trying to birth something and could not get it out.  Then, nothing.

I was irate.  We moved into this house not even 4 months ago, and our plumbing is busted?  Nope, this was NOT happening.  I made a list of people who would face my wrath (AKA-I'd have my husband call) and was ready to fight my builder to fix this situation.

Seething, I went to the kids shower.  Nothing.  No, water, just birthing pipe noises.  

I realized we had NO water.

With my hand on my hip in my bossiest fashion I called the water company.  Is it a company? The water place?  The water factory?  Whatevs, I called the water people.  

------------------------------------


We have NO water, right now.  Is there something going on in our area?  

No, Ma'am.  We  currently have no water issues in the city right now.  Have you paid your water bill?

Of course!  

She then took my information and checked it out.

Um, Ma'am.  You've never paid a water bill for that address.  Your water was turned off this morning.  You should have received warning on your bills.  Please look on your front door, there should be a notice about having your water shut off. 

No way!  We don't have things like our water turned off! 

**looked at front door**  

Wait- I do have a sign that says they turned off our water!  Why did this happen?   We were having the water bill just roll into our mortgage!  Do I have to do something special to set that up?  If so I would like to do that right now.

Um, no.  There's no such thing, Ma'am.  I'm not sure who told you that you could do such a thing.

Silence.

--------------------------------

So, apparently, here they are going to want me to actually send the check after receiving the bill.  You know, like every other bill we receive in the mail.  I mean, really!  Who would have thought? 

You know what makes for a torturous day?  Waiting the several hours it takes to have your water turned back on after it has been shut off.  

See, don't you feel like you've got it all together now?  You're welcome.

Friday, September 30, 2011

It's Friday, Friday! Gotta Get Down On Friday! Sorry.

So, now that I have started a Facebook Fond of the Silliness page, is it really necessary to have Facebook Friday anymore?  I thought about this and decided....yes, yes it is quite necessary.

1) I'm happy to announce that I feel like I am gaining a handful of friends here in Texas.  I use a very strict measuring system to gauge whether or not someone is a friend.  I ask myself the following question: If I had a laundry sheet coming out of my pants, do I think this person would tell me?  If the answer is "Yes", then we are on our way to friendship necklaces!



2). Nora had Manners Day at school this week.  All the kids were to get dressed up and use their best manners.  The school did things like put nice tablecloths on the cafeteria tables, had classical music playing, etc.  Nora explained it well.  She said:  Today, if we make a gross noise we do not laugh, we just say "please excuse me".


3.) You know how we all have random things our brains just can't get right?  For me I always spell the word entrance 'enterance'.  Everything else in life I totally get.  (Except for math and why there is braille writing on random walls that no visually impaired person would know to just go and check.)  Well, for my husband it's his inability to say Canada correctly.  If he's talking quickly, he almost always pronounces it 'Canadia'.  This brings me joy.  He has recently taken a business trip to Canadia and I've enjoyed watching him slowly say the word so that he says it correctly.


4.)  September is Craniofacial awareness month!  Hurray!  I'm going to celebrate by adding an Operation Smile page to my blog this week.  


Here is my favorite cleftie kiddo.


1st Birthday
Every time she is pregnant, she will have a 1 in 20 chance of her child having a cleft.  So, you see we have a lot of work to do before she has her babies.  You know, when she's 35.


That's enough for today kids.


Don't forget to vote here:  

Parents.com Funniest Mom Blogs - you have to register, which is lame-o.  But I would appreciate it, which is not lame-o.  I shan't win, I just want to increase readership.  Then, someday I WILL WIN!  




Thursday, September 1, 2011

Someday We'll Remember This Fondly

I was thinking about how excited I am for this Labor Day weekend, because it means we will get to spend three days together as a family.  Then I got to thinking how our weekends really go.


Let me say this first:  my husband and I are nine years into this marriage and I would absolutely pick him and our life above anything else.  And obviously, he's totally enamored with me.  We are both driven day in and out to do what's best for our two daughters.   That being said....


This is what happens each weekend:




Friday:  Hurray, it's 7pm and we are all home!  Excitedly my husband and I make plans to feed the kids and then order Chinese food when they go to bed.  You know, a "we are 30 somethings up to our eyeballs with young kids" date.  The girls gather around dad and giggle and play while he throws them in the air.  The puppy is nearly passing out with delight.  I'm glowing because I love my family so much.  


Saturday morning:  Hurray!  We all get to wake and not face our weekday routine!  Lucky Charms and Phineas and Ferb for all!  Even the dog is smiling and content.


Saturday afternoon:  Nora is in time out number three for sassy talk.  Evie is sleeping after her giant baby meltdown.  OK, so things got pretty harried....my husband and I decide to enjoy this moment of peace together.  Look how cute our puppy looks!  We truly have it all!


Saturday night:   Thank God our children are in bed, I thought I would lose my mind.  The dog finally passed out, sweet mother he's a spaz.  But cute.  I'm so glad we have each other.  It's nice to have a quiet night together.


Sunday morning: SHUT UP AND GET DRESSED FOR CHURCH!  The damn dog peed on the floor!  What does the baby have in her mouth?  Oh well, it's nice that we are going to church.  I guess.


Sunday afternoon:  We are all hiding in various locations.  Nora is listening to music in her room, even the baby is playing on her own, I've hidden by going to Target and my husband is trying to watch ESPN while the dog jumps around him.  


Sunday night:  Eating dinner and things have mellowed out. We enjoy each others company because we know that tomorrow everyone will go back to reality and we can all get some freaking space.  Thank God for routines.


Monday morning:  Sigh.  We all wake up bummed to start another week where we don't see each other nearly enough.  Our girls are going to grow up too fast, wish we had more time to just spend together.


Am I wrong?  


So here's the secret- it's best to have time to miss and think about each other.

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Even U2 Can't Save This Spider Now

I figured I'd make a post out of what happened this morning, for those of you who are crazy enough to not have 'liked' my new Facebook page yet, and therefore did not get to hear about it yet.  Hint. 


Here is a link to my Facebook Fan Page, which you must click here to visit and 'like'.  That was a bigger hint for those of you who aren't that bright.


Here is what greeted us this morning:



Why yes, that is a spider the size of your fist.  


A friend asked me how I handled the spider.  Well, as I handle most things in life, I did it with a quiet grace. 


While screaming and yelling, I gathered our largest broom.  Then I screamed and yelled and opened our front door.  While screaming and yelling and crying, I used large sweeps to shoot him down the entry way and out our front door.  Finally, while screaming, yelling and crying I bludgeoned him to death on our front porch.  


That is where I left his giant spider-man sized corpse, because I want my husband to accidentally step on him when he comes home tonight and enjoy the sound of the crunch.  


I've enjoyed the after affects all day so far.  For instance, I sat down next to a fan and it blew one of my curls into my face, which made me scream and punch the side of my own head. 


And I bet that after reading this, you too will feel the creepy crawlies.  You're welcome.




Sunday, August 28, 2011

No Dad, I Totally Was Not Driving When I Took This Picture. Yes. Yes, I Was.

This weekend's highlights included a trip to the vet.  Mosby had some....um, tummy troubles.  Let's just leave it at that for those of you who aren't currently mothers and used to constantly talking about the bathroom happenings of all living things in your home.

Mosby's not had all his vaccinations yet---wait, can I talk about pet vaccinations without people fighting?  As a mother I've learned to never talk about vaccinations lest someone fly across Gymboree and beat me with their research.  

Anyway, he has not had all of his vaccinations so he's not been socialized with other dogs.  Because of this I was unsure how sitting in the waiting room would go, but I had some idea that it would probably make me want to cry.  

When we arrived I was relieved to see the waiting area was dog free.  I relaxed and sat down. Stupid me.  Within seconds of us settling in, everyone who currently owns a dog in North Texas joined us in the waiting room.  

There were two teeny tiny chihuahuas being held by teenage girls, who undoubtedly were going to carry them around in purses at the mall for two weeks and then tire of them and drop them off at a shelter, and three large dogs.  Including a pit bull.

Mosby, who is all of 15lbs right now, started growling at them.  Not the chihuahuas, I don't think he could even see them.  But the other huge dogs he apparently thought he could take.  Mosby didn't do anything but growl and the three big dogs were very well behaved.  They looked at Mosby with pure amusement.

I said to the owner of a particularly large dog, "I guess my dog needs to learn who not to mess with."  The man replied with a charming tale about why he was there with his dog. Apparently this dog was there to have 50 stitches taken out since another dog the man owned had "tore him right up".  

Those of you who know me in real life can understand how super well I took this little story.  I stared at the guy trying to form words, then gave up.  I sat there thinking of how I could steal this dog from this ridiculous asshole until he finally left.  Somebody needs to tear him right up.

As I stewed in my anger, Mosby continued to act like a ferocious beast toward the dogs who could easily eat him, until the door opened and a couple walked out with a dog that scared the crap out of Mosby.

Mosby stopped growling, started whimpering and hid under my chair.  

Would you like to see the animal that broke Mosby?








Yes, my friends.  A basset named Blue terrified our little Mosby.

After this chilling animal came into Mosby's view, he remained scared for the rest of the vet trip.  My poor boy was the laughing stock of the waiting room, the vet techs were dying laughing behind the counter.  

On the way home he was still solemn and in need of protection.  He rode the entire way like this:


He can't get that Basset Hound out of his mind.
As we pulled into the driveway I was happy the worst was behind us.  Right as I was thinking this Mosby started making gagging noises.  

When a dog is in your car and laying his head on your shoulder, you don't really want to hear gagging noises.  So I lovingly flung Mosby out of the car and into our lawn.  You can guess the rest.

Just another fun Saturday morning.  You know, full of puppy potty problems and vomit.






Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Let's Chat About How You Find My Blog. You Weirdos.

Let's chat about how you are finding me.  

One of the great joys of having my blog is viewing my stats, which allows me to see the search words you are using to find my blog, and the words searched that simply brought my blog up and then led someone to click on it.

Don't panic, I don't get to see who you are, just how you get to me.  


I have to say, sometimes I am extremely weirded out by the type of things that make my blog pop up.  Other times I'm scared.  And sometimes I'm just really proud.  

Let me share with you......................*drum roll*

My Favorite Google Searches That Led You To Fond of the Silliness:

I feel this is best divided up into categories.   Also, I have changed nothing about spelling or grammar.  


Ones About Animals:

  1. bird likes to lick computer screen
  2. my cat came home exhausted
  3. horse clap clap
  4. stepped in animal poop
  5. mules wankers
Ones About Pink Eye:

  1. why is pink eye so funny
  2. one catches pink eye
Ones About Jazz Hands:


  1. jazz hands emoticon
  2. jazz hands, andrews sisters
  3. what is a better way to say jazz hands
  4. every time i jazz hands you
Ones About Catholicism:

  1. i survived catholic school
  2. Catholic silliness
  3. frank mccourt throwing up the body of christ in the backyard
Ones About Cameltoes:

  1. innocent cameltoes
  2. and now fix your camel toe say misis

Ones That Scare Me:

  1. shoved a fish hook in her mouth
Ones About Andrew Bogut:

  1. bogut feeling better 2011
  2. andrew bogut growth spurt
Ones That Confuse Me:

  1. badass pyloric stenosis
  2. would people want cars that drive themselves
  3. "no sense of direction" and "southern california"
  4. i forced my washing machine open and now its broken
  5. irate baby
  6. mama facials
  7. "swimming in the ocean" clap clap clap
  8. terms of endearment where are my daughters pillzs
  9. ben and jerry falling out
Ones About Rap:
  1. comforting rap songs
  2. 2011 rap songs that make you feel better
  3. rap silliness

Ones Where You Are Seeking Advice or Solidarity









  1. i am so addicted to angry birds man i love this game
  2. i had a dream my husband flirt
  3. why are wendy's napkins yellow
  4. overtiredness causing siliness
  5. signed a work email love by mistake
  6. taking a baby down a water slide
  7. i went down a waterslide can this harm baby
Ones That Let Me Know You Were Looking For Me:
  1. middle finger emoticon blog

So there you have it.  There are just a few of the very many strange and disturbing 
ways readers have happened upon my blog.

I think looking at that list we can all agree on one thing:  There are many great writers out there

None of whom would be found by searches using words like "camel toe".  

It sure makes a girl proud.