Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Even U2 Can't Save This Spider Now

I figured I'd make a post out of what happened this morning, for those of you who are crazy enough to not have 'liked' my new Facebook page yet, and therefore did not get to hear about it yet.  Hint. 


Here is a link to my Facebook Fan Page, which you must click here to visit and 'like'.  That was a bigger hint for those of you who aren't that bright.


Here is what greeted us this morning:



Why yes, that is a spider the size of your fist.  


A friend asked me how I handled the spider.  Well, as I handle most things in life, I did it with a quiet grace. 


While screaming and yelling, I gathered our largest broom.  Then I screamed and yelled and opened our front door.  While screaming and yelling and crying, I used large sweeps to shoot him down the entry way and out our front door.  Finally, while screaming, yelling and crying I bludgeoned him to death on our front porch.  


That is where I left his giant spider-man sized corpse, because I want my husband to accidentally step on him when he comes home tonight and enjoy the sound of the crunch.  


I've enjoyed the after affects all day so far.  For instance, I sat down next to a fan and it blew one of my curls into my face, which made me scream and punch the side of my own head. 


And I bet that after reading this, you too will feel the creepy crawlies.  You're welcome.




10 comments:

Sincerely, Kylee said...

This is so scary and funny all at the same time! I'm frightened by the spider (of course) and then I read how you handled it with "quiet grace"... I very much laughed out loud! :) Thanks for making me smile.

Megs said...

Holy crap dude. The Texas approval rating just dropped a ton. Personally, I give you a ton of credit for the way you handled it. I seriously thought you exuded all the grace possible in that situation. And bugs don't even freak me out, but that one had it's own zip code. You are a strong and courageous woman to protect your children the way you did. I can't wait to hear what G.R. says, especially if he gets the treat of hearing that crunch.

Shauna said...

Welcome to Texas.

laci512 said...

Yesterday when my 13 year old daughter was told to go bring the trash cans in from the curb I noticed that she was high kicking one of the cans. After about 10 kicks I finally asked what she was doing. Apparently, there was a spider on the handle. I walked out the see this monster and it was no bigger than half the size of my pinky fingernail. I just laughed and walked away. She continued to high kick the trash cans.

Julie said...

I SAW this on facebook (because I'm super-bright and already "liked" your fan page) and had the creeps BIG time.

I hate spiders more than most things.

Not that I hate a lot of things.

But spiders?
Yep.

I know. Charlotte's Web and all that.

E.B. White can suck it.

Chels said...

Oh. My. Gosh. I die.

Mrs. Tuna said...

Kinda of like the head lice epidemic we endured during my daughter's 4th grade season. The man's solution....shave his head. My hair at the time, waist length. Ugghhhh, my head itches as we speak and its been 15 years. Thanks for dredging up that memory for me. No....really....thanks.

Christina Williams said...

OMG! That is so funny...and creepy. I'm totally fine with spiders, unless they're ginormous like that. I probably would've trapped it with a can and waited for my husband to get home!

Ixy said...

Argh!!! I'm seriously arachnophobic and would have had a flat-out panic attack. This has happened before in a spider-related incident - I actually blacked out! In my defense, the giant spider was running on my face at the time...

Laura of Our Virginia Home said...

I was watering the garden (several months ago at this point) and ALMOST put my hand right on a spider that was HUGE. He had big thick legs and was trying to be sneaky by hiding on the underside of a handle. Oh, it was so close. I danced around the yard and couldn't finish in the garden at all. This was my first garden since being a kid and I was just about done at that point.

I used to be OK with spiders as long as they weren't hanging down right in front of my face or on me. That was until I was stocking shelves in a beauty supply store in 2006. I was putting out freight and looked across the floor just in time to see this gigantic spider. When I killed him, it made a yucky sound and there was so much mess. Since then I just can't deal with spiders.

Virginia spiders are huge, too.