Wednesday, November 30, 2011

2011 ~ The Year Of The Giant-Ass Spiders

In order to celebrate the closing of 2011, I would like to share what I have learned this year.  Obviously, most revolves around moving from Wisconsin to Texas.  

Whenever possible I linked it to my old blog posts, because sometimes it's nice to read about a train wreck more than once.  


Here is a side note for my dad:  Anything in pink is a link.  Please don't call me and ask me where the links are, or what a link is.  Just click and enjoy!

Armadillos jump.  Also:  It's not possible to actually find an armadillo that hasn't been smashed in the road. As God is my witness, I WILL one day see an armadillo.

A  gelding means a "horse that ain't got no balls".  


When you cancel all your original air travel plans because your cat is not allowed to fly,  and take on the arduous task of driving to Texas, that cat will kick the bucket a few weeks after you get to Texas.  


You will then promise your heartbroken and homesick daughter a dog.  And all hell will break loose.



When you are trying to keep yourself under the radar and just give yourself time to acclimate to your new life in a new state, that is the exact moment when your daughter will crack her head on a pool slide, hundreds of people will be cleared out of the pool, and ambulances will be called.  This blows all anonymity for the rest of the summer at the pool, by the way.

Try as you might to not have an accent around your new Texas friends, saying things like "you betcha" and "ya know" are mighty hard habits to break after growing up in Minnesota.

When you live in the Midwest and the temperatures hit 100 degrees for several days, you will be urged by the news media to "check on the young and the elderly", drink lots of water and stay in your home whenever possible.  When it happens in Texas the weather man just says, "It's going to be hotter than a mother  f#$&-er  again today."

When it rains in Texas, local news channels will actually send someone out to the field to provide us with a live shot of the light sprinkle.  If it stops raining before their live shot, they will actually show you the rain drops on their rain jacket.  This actually happened.

It's surprisingly hard to find good BBQ in Texas.  But when you do, it's like a religious experience.


When moving to Texas from the Midwest, one of the saddest things is the idea of missing out on the beautiful Midwest fall.  Then you experience the Texas fall and you realize, like everything else about the move, it will be OK.





                                                            Bring it on 2012!

4 comments:

Amanda M. said...

We found the best BBQ in Luling, TX! It is a tiny town outside of San Antonio known for BBQ and I personally felt it was worth the drive. Well, okay we were on the way back to Houston from SA so it was kinda on the way. Anyhoo, it was my first TX BBQ religious experience. All of my major other BBQ religious experiences have been in Kansas City, which is a farther drive, you know?
Please share where your experience was in TX. My husband will drive there. Even if it is six hours away.
Also I think you should write a book. I love to read your writing and a book format would be perfect for me to enjoy. Love ya!

Kara said...

I've read some of these posts, now I'm off to catch up on the others. I'm happy you've made the adjustment.

Julie said...

I'm happy to say I read and loved every one of those posts (the links are in pink, Dad!) and that you are one of my favorite finds of 2011.

Keep it up, my friend.

Because you are fabulous beyond words.

(Even "You betcha.")

XO

Megs said...

I agree that you should write a book! Look at all these awesome stories in one place. Seriously though, it was hilarious to relive the year through your blog. I am once again struck by how huge a year it's been for you guys. Jeez you've done a lot. And with a sense of humor through it all. Love it!