Let's Get Silly

Monday, May 9, 2011

Can't They Make Cars That Drive Themselves? I'm Sick Of Living Like An Animal

Our weekends have been filled with exploring our new town.  Since my husband looked at a map of the United States one time 13 years ago and has since known where every single highway, street and Buffalo Wild Wings in the country is, we have taken to letting me drive hoping it will help bring it together for me. 

I'm more of a learn from experience kind of girl.  And by that I mean, about 5 years from now the city's basic grid will begin to seem vaguely familiar to me. 

I hate that my downfall reinforces the general stereotype that women have no sense of direction, but I can swear like a sailor, and they aren't supposed to do that either, so I feel like it all evens out.

Last Sunday our little car trip went something like this:

OK, so I'm near 121.  If I were to take this to the new house I would follow those signs that say they head to Sherman.  Right?

Well, you are talking about heading one direction but pointing to the opposite way with your finger.  Which do you mean?

Whatever, I meant to point the way the sign pointed. I would follow signs to Sherman, right?

No, you'd follow the signs to Dallas.  Going the opposite direction.

OK.  So I will turn left up here, right?

*Trying not to scream*  Um, no....here's the map I drew you to keep in the car.  It's very clear what you would do.

He hands me the map.  It shows three main roads which are all I really need to know to travel through our town correctly.  

The problem is, I can't be bothered with that little map he made me.  

Then he can't help it.

I really wish maps would just make sense in your head!  

Well, I wish you wouldn't pretend to know things that you don't!  And then afterwards when the truth comes out we have to fix the situation.  I wish you could just be ok with NOT knowing something for once.

OK, that has nothing to do with what's happening right now.  Why are you bringing that up?

Because I thought we were talking about what frustrates us about each other?

Just turn left.

Towards Sherman, right? 


I've noticed on these drives that my husband tends to get the same look on his face that all the people who tried unsuccessfully to teach me to drive stick did by the end of those lessons.  

I can't be bothered with such drivel as directions and what not.  I have so many other things to worry about.  The radio, noticing a new Super Target, getting the AC to blow the right way out of the vents, whether or not the guy behind me is actually picking his nose or just sort of rubbing it a little with his finger.  Let's not even talk about when someone drives in front of me with some sort of bumper sticker that takes all my focus by riling me up.  Not to mention the funny ones- "My kid can beat up your honor kid"?  How can you not take time to relish that thought?

These things are not my fault.


KLZ said...

Driving is so overrated. I would like a chauffeured hovercraft, please.

Lindsay said...

Ahh,..this is a far to familiar scenario. I absolutely can not drive here in Denmark. There are far to many cyclists, and us North Americans are just not programmed to think about them while operating a vehicle. Hilarious post!

clreaume said...

I have now lived in Racine for 3 years 9 months, and I am no closer to knowing the names of streets or how to connect point A to point B without my GPS. I feel your pain! When Scott tells me how to get somewhere he always says things like - drive to kohl's and then go..... or, it's just past Target on the left. God forbid he use things like east or west! My husband can take a cursory glance at a map and know it by heart,. Funny how opposites attract!

Amanda M. said...

I will NOT.EVEN.DRIVE. with B in the car. He is all about going east and west and north and south and none of that makes any sense. Left, right, things like that make sense. I feel your pain.
I have NO sense of direction whatsoever, but I can TOTALLY swear like a sailor, too. Another charming trait we share besides the beautiful name.

Julie said...

Dying here. Because I too reinforce the stereotype.

I have lived in the same 30-mile stretch of southern California my entire life (I know pathetic but true so oh well).

My husband, who moved here as an adult, knows how to get ANYWHERE. No matter how obscure. He seems to instinctively know.

And I would still (I swear) need directions to Disneyland.

Luckily, I never drive anywhere important by myself.

Survival of the fittest means admitting what you suck at.

My job here is done.

Amanda said...

A hovercraft- that is a great idea. From above I could see things like my favorite stores and restaurants and then know exactly where I am!

I hear you on that point, Cheryl. cut the East, West crap. You're not Christopher Columbus, your just trying to tell me how to get to the mall.

Lindsay, my hat is SO off to you. I can not imagine myself driving in another country on a regular basis. Probably because I have not mastered this one!

Amanda- we will always have our names. They are nothing if not glorious!

Survival of the fittest means admitting what you suck at.

I LOVE this. So true. Plus it makes me sound good.

myinnerchick.com said...

~I despise driving.
I want a Limo to drive me around-- and I shall drink Merlot and relax with Nora Jones on the leather seats.
A girl can dream. Cna't she?
Great Post :)

Suniverse said...

This is why I want a driver. Seriously. Take your maid, your cook, your personal bodyguard - I want someone to drive me places.



I said it.

Megs said...

I love reading about your conversations with G.R. in times of frustration because it reminds me that you have as much "witty banter" in your marriage as I do in mine, which means we both rule and are totally normal. Also, directions are stupid. Your list of distractions (radio, vents, other drivers, etc.) is totally understandable to me. How are we supposed to focus? Great blog (again)!

Kelley said...

This made me laugh oug loud! It sounds SO much like me and my husband. It's funny because I will always point the wrong direction when telling him something about directions. The thing is, I'm not REALLY trying to be specific about the way my finger is pointing, but he always has to correct me with, "You mean THIS way?" Ugh! Also, another funny thing- my brother-in-law just moved to Sherman a year or so ago. We live in Houston. Sherman is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay up there in Texas. It's a small town for us! He loves it, though. Thanks so much for sending me your link on Twitter. I'm following now!