Tuesday, February 22, 2011

The Day Target Hated Me

Like most sane people, I've had a life long love affair with Target. 

Like Walmart you can walk in and buy anything imaginable, but unlike shopping at Walmart, Target won't make you want to stab your eye with a pen.  Also unlike Walmart, you will go in for the basics and come out with at least $75.00 worth of stuff every time.  

You may arrive with the goal of quickly grabbing some shampoo, but you will depart with multi-vitamins for your dog, a picture frame, a turtleneck, a box of cereal, sun tan lotion and a new table for your entryway.  So magical a place is Target, that you can even bring your husband or boyfriend, and they can play with the hooked up game systems while you pick out 3 pairs of flip flops you don't need.

Target is pretty and shiny and we get a contact high just from being near all their grand Method products.  

I'm pretty sure when I die I want my ashes to be scattered through a Target, hopefully near the pajama aisle.  And I want all my loved ones to wear khaki pants and red polo shirts.

However, I almost ruined Target for myself in my early 20's.  

I woke up one morning to the phone ringing.  It was Target.   

Is this Amanda?  

Yes

We need you to come down to the store as soon as possible.

OK, why?  

There is a problem with the check you wrote.

What?  I had a terrifying social work salary, true, but I didn't bounce checks.  

And he had not said it nicely, he used an accusatory tone.  Someone from Target was mad at me! 

Instead of changing and looking like a person that did not bounce checks, I opted to wear my pajama pants. I had recently graduated from college and this practice was not slapped out of me yet.  

Kids, there's a finite amount of time where you can get away with this, then it becomes sort of trashy.  When that happens, don't panic, you just go to Target and buy black yoga pants.  Black yoga pants will be the pajama pants of your adulthood.

So, with my stomach churning about why Target was mad at me, I drove to the store.  I thought back to the day before, when I stopped there to buy socks.  So I bought socks, sheets, a t-shirt and face cream of course.  I could not figure out what had happened that would cause Target to stalk me at home.

I walked over to the customer service area, as I had been instructed on the phone by the hateful Target jerk.   I told them my name and said I had been contacted about a problem with my check.  The customer service woman's face perked up at my description and I could tell that all of Target had been talking about me.  

My BFF Target was gossiping about me!  I was starting to get irritated and gathered up all my dignity and acted as though I was someone who didn't care about Target hating me....and then they showed me my check.  



It looked like this:




                               Amanda A. Target
Now, it's important that you know my last name began with a T and had 6 letters to it.  I also remember that as I was writing the check I was busy judging this woman with two children throwing fits (don't worry lady, I got my payback 8 years later with my own children), and in my distraction and judgement I had signed my last name as Target.  Which, I'm sure, made it seem to Target that I was trying to just rip them off.  


You could argue that the person who took my check should have noticed, and that's fine.  I'm the type of person who signs my checks Amanda A. Target, so I don't get to judge the check out lady.  

You can pick your favorite thing about this, but personally I love that I added the middle initial.  To me, that really propels what I had done from stupid to just plain douchetastic.  So awesome was I, while shopping at Target, that I needed to add my middle initial to make it extra fancy.  

So, there you go.  That happened.




Hey!  Check this out- JC Little from The Animated Woman was inspired by this post and drew me!  Click on that link and check out her website!  
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41 comments:

ShanimalCrackers.blogspot.com said...

Haha, that's funny. And when you went down in your PJs, they probably thought most definitely you signed it that way on purpose.

Keri said...

So funny Amanda... I too love the middle initial... Target would be lucky to have you.

Jake & Lesly said...

You crack me up. For the record, when you go to Walmart you come out with $50 extra stuff, however you don't get the contact high and it it not shiny and pretty. But you still pick up extra stuff just the same. ;0) I have made my check out to the wrong name before, or started writing the dollar amount in the pay to the order of line....that's always nice. Even more fun if it's your last check. LOVE it when that happens. It's then when you say thank God for your check card!!

kmcaffee said...

I love it! Great story~

Ms.Wasteland said...

LOL! You love Target so much you pretended to be married to it!

Kirsten said...

That is amazing. I cannot believe they called you- that means they have your number! *swoon*

Sandy said...

hahaha, I love it!

Amanda M. said...

Holy cuhrap. That is HIGH-LARIOUS! It really reminds me of something I would do. I would really fo sho do something like that.
I have not one, but TWO SuperTargets, less than 10 minutes from you.
I am sure you can imagine how terribly our bank account suffers.

Brandy, April, and Amanda said...

This made my night! Thank you for the pick me up. I am hopping in from Tuesday's hops. If you get time stop by http://giveawayblogdom.blogspot.com. Have a wonderful evening!

ShanimalCrackers.blogspot.com said...

So, this is my 2nd comment on one post for ya:

I've tagged you for the 7 Facts Award here:

http://shanimalcrackers.blogspot.com/2011/02/7-facts-award.html

I hope you'll accept. :)

WhisperingWriter said...

haha!!

I love Target by the way. I go there every week. Sometimes more.

Megs said...

Ha ha ha! Amanda A Target has a lovely ring to it. Target is a beautiful place. Also love how yoga pants are the pajama pants for adults. Totally true and I never even thought of it that way before.

The Mommyologist said...

That SO sounds like something I would do!

Annie @ astonesthrowfrominsanity said...

" Black yoga pants will be the pajama pants of your adulthood."

BWHAHAHAHa!! As I sit here in my black yoga pants, I can definitely say that that statement is soooo true.

I love you and your black yoga pants!!:)

Jaime said...

That's hilarious! I can't believe Target scrutinizes checks that much. When I was an awesome cashier at Venture, I never once checked anybody's signature. I'm tempted to sign my name wrong just to see if anyone notices!

Jessica at Me Sew Crazy said...

oh my god - I haven't laughed that hard all week! That was such a great post - thank you so much for finding me, just so I could read this.

The yoga pants, the lady with 2 kids that you mistakenly judged, and then the signature. I literally have tears rolling down my face.

Thank you.

The Empress said...

Target? Target and me? WE go waaaaaaaaaaaaay back.

They're responsible for the first serious fight in our marriage.

Yeah, like that.

Heather said...

You are married to Target!!

That is awesome!!

(Nice to meet you.)

1 Funky Woman said...

Douchetastic I love it! I'm ROLFL and your middle initial awesome! So how long did it take before you went back? I would have left customer service and gone shopping again and written a check and see if they noticed!

Loved this!

Megan

1 Funky Woman said...

I gave you an award today, you are too funny!

Megan

http://1funkywoman.blogspot.com

Shabbygal said...

I think that is hilarious! You were so swooney over Target you wanted to be related somehow. The fact you opted to go in your jammies is funny! Traci

Mrs. Tuna said...

Are you trying to steal my boyfriend Mister Target? Step away from him you hussy, he's all mine.

The Animated Woman. said...

Fark! What a funny story! Makes me wanna draw you with a big target face. Ha.

Cara Lopez Lee said...

I can't stop laughing out loud, and this is a reaction I usually reserve for picturing the outlandishness of people I know. We've never met, but you are SOOOOO hilarious. I'm with you: the middle initial really makes the story. If I were in marketing at Target, I would pay you money to tell that story in a commercial. Seriously.

Natalie Jean (Bottoms) Kelsey said...

I have done similar due to distractions.. So funny. I have even blurted out of my mouth to check out people, a totally nonsense word that wasn't even a word at all because my mind mixed three words in one and wanted to get all of that thought out with one word..silly subconscious. giggle..
Love it
NAtalie

jillsmo said...

This. Is. Awesome.

Adrienne said...

OMG that cracks me up. I am routinely messing up checks as i write them because i am busy and distracted.

I also have a love affair with target.

Jessica said...

This is hilarious. I love the part about scattering your ashes, SO funny, love it!

Melissa Taylor said...

very funny!

From Tracie said...

This is hilarious.

I have never signed my middle initial, but after I got married, I kept messing up checks signing my old last name for over a year. Drove my husband crazy (even though I told him it wasn't personal-sheesh!)

Love this truth, " Black yoga pants will be the pajama pants of your adulthood."

Lara T. said...

Found you via The Animated Woman. Laughed so hard I cried! I can totally relate and I like your comments about adding the middle initial! lol I'll be back! Thanks for the laugh! ;)

Mommy Lisa said...

So cute. One time I signed for stuff at Target and the guy would not believe me that my signature matched the back of my check card. DUH! The check card stripe is TINY and I take my time signing that! :)

Deanna - The Unnatural Mother said...

That is FUCKING hilarious, and I SO needed to laugh tonight. Thank you Miss Amanda A. Target!

Btw...douchetastic, I am SO stealing that.

injaynesworld said...

And you can't even blame it on OFS (Old Fart Syndrome). Did you tell them you had just fallen under the spell that is Target?

I love how they have everything in every color. Although, why I felt I needed a T-shirt in puce is a mystery.

Carrie said...

LOL, my FIL regularly signs thing John Lennon. His name is no where near that :p

Visiting from TRDC

bridget said...

literally laughing out loud. love it, amanda!

Prairie Patch said...

That is absolutely hilarious! I'm laughing WITH you, Amanda - lol! It sounds like something I would do.

Tracy

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