Sunday, February 20, 2011

Marriage Means Never Having to Say Anything Meaningful

When I was a kid, I always thought that by the time I was married I would be mature. 


I pictured two people having a quiet breakfast in a lovely breakfast nook (what the hell is a nook, really?) while sharing the local paper and the New York Times.  I'm not sure why I thought I would have Diane Sawyer's marriage, but I did.


As it turns out, marriage is sitting on the couch watching Seinfeld & drinking wine on a Saturday night while conversing about things so trivial that it confirms your thought that your brains have turned into marshmallows from the constant battering of daily life.


So instead of discussing Egypt and local elections like I pictured, our Saturday nights sound like this:




Watching Princess Diaries (oh whatever, you know you like it too)

Me:  Honey, do you think maybe I'm a princess and don't know?

Him:  Well, yes....because I am secretly a prince.

Me:  Wait....if I didn't know I was a princess and you are secretly a prince and we marry and both didn't know the other was royalty.... wouldn't that mean we were related and then got married?  Like in Appalachia?  

Him:  No, you married me and I knew I was a prince.  I made you a princess.

Me:  Wait!  What the hell?!  No, that's not how this is going to be, this was my thing.  I was the famous princess and I married you, the lowly commoner. Because I am all humble and of the people and stuff.

Him:  Ok, whatever.

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Me:  Ouch, I almost fell on my slippers. 

Him:  Really?  It looked like you almost fell on your ass!

Me:  No, you are over there, I couldn't fall on you.

We both laugh like we are the most hilarious people to ever live.

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Me:  Why was it decided that women could have their privacy while going to the bathroom, but for men it would be like a free for all?

Him:  .......what, Amanda?

Me:  Why do women all get stalls, but men have this situation where they have to pee en masse?  

Him:  Well I could see why in stadium situations.

Me:  Yes, me too.

Him:  I'm not sure why they can't all have the stall dividers though, those are the best.  

Me:  Is it ever weird peeing by each other?  Or are guys just used to it?

Him:  You know, it is weird.  There are rules and difficult situations.  When you walk in the bathroom and there are say....four stalls, you walk in and quickly have to ascertain who you think is furthest along with urination.  Because if there are four stalls, and you walk in on two guys peeing, they will have picked the furthest urinals from each other, so you have to now choose who to stand by.  You have to choose carefully because if you pick the wrong guy, you could be left standing there side by side. If a guy walks in and sees four stalls and two guys standing right next to each other, you feel weird.

Me:  Wow, it is tricky business.

Him:  Yeah.

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You know what?  I bet Diane Sawyer and her husband discuss urinals and call each other asses too.  Those things just tend to come up.  

20 comments:

Noelle said...

My husband and I think you are both pretty hilarious. :) wo got a good laugh over falling on your ass.

Shabbygal said...

You two sound quite clever! I got a good laugh out of it, Traci

Amanda said...

Thank you, Noelle! I went by your blog today and was dying over a pic of a little boy in a bow tie. So sweet! Made me think all little boys should have to wear bow ties at least once a week.

Shabbygal: I'm glad someone thinks we are clever! : )

Amanda M. said...

Brian and I have TOTALLY had the urinal discussion. It really intrigues me how they all pee in a big group.

Carri said...

The men's bathroom has it's own set of rules, apparently. Like, they don't talk to each other. Isn't that weird? But then again, my husband thinks it's weird that we go to the bathroom in groups and continue talking even while peeing.

Katrina @ They All Call Me Mom said...

I wish you two lived next door to us! You crack me up :)

Ms.Wasteland said...

I have a shy bladder so I don't know how they pee en mass like that.

Megs said...

I love that this is actually what you guys talk about too. I can totally hear you both having this conversation. These are the conversations that make a real marriage work. Wine, television, and good conversation. At least that's the core of ours too. And watching Princess Diaries together is one of the signs that a woman has married well. Please never stop blogging.

Shell said...

LOL Sounds a lot like conversations around here!

ShanimalCrackers.blogspot.com said...

Thanks for following me. I'm returning the favor.

You know, I wondered why guys don't always have stalls in their bathrooms. And...actually, I still wonder why.

The Survival Mama said...

I sure hope Diane Sawyer has the same stupid conversations I do with my husband and they don't talk about witty meaningful things.

Thanks for riding the train this week!!
The Survival Mama

momgen said...

Oh cute! A new follower from Tuesday Train...

Nightly Cafe said...

Hopping in off train. Happy Tuesday. Following :).

BK

Toesthattwinkle! said...

Thanks for following me- Im returning the favor. I loved visiting your blog and found your layout to be adorable!

Kirsten said...

I SO hear you- my husband and I still act like children, even with an actual toddler running around.

Oh, and by the way, I was watching Princess Diaries on tv the other day while Avery was taking a nap. I'll admit it.

Thank you so much for stopping by and for the lovely comment- I appreciate it!

Erin Wallace said...

This is so true, all of it!! It's like being married to your best guy friend in middle school, the type of meaningful conversations we have (but I love them nonetheless).

Here from the Totally Tuesday Blog Hop - am your newest follower. Hope to see you at Dropped Stitches. Dropped Stitches

Heather said...

Sounds like my husband and I. We banter like this all the time. Don't know what we are going to do when our son is old enough to ask questions about what we are talking about...the conversations could get totally boring by then. LOL!! Or.....we just have to learn to talk in code. Ha ha!

I am following from the Totally Tuesday blog hop.

Heather From and Mommy Only Has Two Hands! and Lynhea Designs

Jenn at Sweet T Makes Three said...

LOL, well he's YOUR prince, right?
New blog hop follower
Sweet T Makes Three
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TexaGermaNadian said...

Haha, so great. These little convos like this between me and the hubs are priceless too. Thanks for sharing!
Stopped over form the totally tuesday blog hop. Have a good one :)
http://texagermanadian.blogspot.com/

Lynn said...

You know what? I heard that Diane Sawyer sports her mans underpants all weekend long just to be that close to him. She must have great health insurance.

My best, Lynn
*found you over on SITS. I see you've reached your goal alreayd-awesome!