Sunday, February 6, 2011

Mrs. Pool & Gun Stores

So, as I mentioned here, we recently spent a few days in Texas.  I was there because I was one of those glowing, dancing people wearing a box on my head that you saw during the Black Eyed Peas half time show.  Ok, that's a lie.  It was related to my husband's work, but that is all I will say.  Because if we learned anything from 
Dooce, it is that we do not dare discuss our work lives as it may lead to being fired, and then becoming a blogger so successful and famous that both spouses can stay home and live entirely off the blog. 


If my husband and I stayed home together all day long, I think the greatest competition ever would be seeing who could hold off on calling the divorce lawyers the longest.  I'm pretty sure one of us would cave by 10am the first day.  So, for the love of our marriage we don't want to become famous or millionaires.  


I felt an enormous amount of pressure on this trip, knowing the rumors and cliches about Midwesterners are abundant. They think we run around tipping cows while wearing our cheese head hats and talking like the people in the movie Fargo.  Given this, I got off the plane with a great sense of purpose, as I was going to single handedly dispel these goofy thoughts.  I would be the poster child for The New and Improved Awesome Midwesterner.  
Three seconds after the plane landed in Dallas someone strolled by me and dropped their belt, which I picked up and handed back to them.  What a great Midwestern gal I am!  We're so kind!  The person said thank you, and I swear on all that is holy and pure I ACTUALLY SAID "You betcha!".


 I decided to revise my thinking.  So I like cheese and beer and I say 'you betcha'.  Bite me.  


Side note: This reminds me of a story a Wisconsin friend of mine told me.  She was visiting the New Jersey area, where accents are....quite strong, shall we say?  After she had been talking to one particular New Jersey resident he started laughing and said to her, "You guys all sound like Mrs. Pool!".  Remember Mrs. Pool?      
She was also on Ferris Buellers Day Off as the secretary.  "You've been sick niiiine times."  OK, if you don't remember her this sucked.  No, actually you suck, because you should know Mrs. Pool.  


Back to Texas:




With my new found Midwestern sense of self-righteousness, I went on to explore North Texas.  It was a bit of a strange viewing because the area had been slammed with a winter storm, a rarity for them.  But the area was beautiful, even covered in ice and snow.  And the people were so kind, even covered in ice and snow.  


In an effort to dispel stereo types about Texans, I have to tell you that I only saw two cow boy hats and one man carrying a saddle through the airport.  Other than that it was just like anywhere else.  Except for this one thing.....I have to show you what I saw.  This is a store that was right near our hotel.  It was glorious and terrifying all at once.  



Ummmm......I'm not sure what to say, so I'm going to let this be one of those times that a picture speaks for itself.


The only other issue I had was the accent.  I prided myself on the fact that I would hardly notice the accent, as my stepmother is Southern and has lived with my dad in Virginia since I was very young. I've always thought people were slightly goofy when they complained about Southern accents.  This Texas accent, though, was something else entirely.  At times, I felt I probably could have translated Russian with greater ease.  We ordered dinner at a BBQ place (yes!) and we grabbed two bottles of beer.  A lovely young teen girl behind the counter said happily to me, "wouldya'lllackahnahcecoldglassforyerbev-rage?"  It was not just the accent, it was the speed they used while talking in their accent.  I sat there like she had just asked me a math question that required math skills beyond a 4th grade level, while my husband answered for me.  Turns out she had asked me if I would like an ice cold glass for my beverage.  Who could know? 


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I forgot to reveal what my one truth was in this post.  I actually fainted on the Capital steps while Janet Reno recited the Pledge of Allegiance.  I'm sorry it wasn't the Oprah one, I know how badly you needed it to be.  But that wench never calls me.









17 comments:

Ms.Wasteland said...

For the record, I knew who Mrs. Pool was without the picture. Also, my husband and I can't spend a whole weekend together without screaming at each other so it's a good thing I haven't been Dooced.

Amanda said...

Ha ha!

On Friday nights we are so happy to have the weekend together, but on Sunday night we both agree that we love each other, but it's definitely time to get back to our weekday routine lest we kill each other.

Amanda M. said...

hahah! Love this. I totally knew who Mrs. Pool was. :)
The accent here is not as thick, but there are times when I am not sure what in the world someone has just said to me!!!!

Jaime said...

Tom and I spent three full months together when I was on bedrest, and then another three full months together a year later when I took a severance package and chose not to move to Houston. That is six solid months of together time - 24 hours a day, and three of those months dealing with a high risk pregnancy. I figure if we can make it through that, we are together for life.

Elisabeth Hirsch said...

Sooo cute!

Cheryl said...

Too funny...I too was born a Midwesterner (IN), but now live in FL...everyone thinks that there's nothin' but corn, and that all the town's are small, so we should know everyone from there! LOL....anyway, thanks for stopping by Showcase Sisters today and the compliments! We appreciate all of our readers! : )

Amy said...

So, I have to know ... did you get a gun?

DanielleCorrelle said...

Haha!!

Following you from Bloggy Moms :)

Danielle
flipflopreviews.blogspot.com

Megs said...

You Betcha! It kills me that you said that! Hysterical :) Of course I love the shout out to the outstanding Mrs. Pool. Love the pic of the gun store, we all need a store like that in the neighborhood, even if it's just for a great photo op. By the way, if Joe and I stayed home together we would also be racing for the lawyers. Kind of makes me worry about retirement :) The Texans are lucky to have a thoughtful Midwest young lady like yourself.

Missy said...

I'm returning the visit from my blog (The Domesticated Diva). You totally had me fooled at first about being one of the dancers for the Black Eyed Peas!

Stacey said...

Thanks for following! Great blog, following you back now! http://supermamawannabe.blogspot.com

Julie @ blog-buffet said...

Mrs. Pool, love it! And my husband and I work together......talk about together ness. I think if you move to Texas you'll just have to get a pretty pink holster and a pearl handled gun. Just because you're packing doesn't mean you can't be feminine!

Brea said...

Your blog is too cute! As a Texan at heart, we don't ALL have accents (that could be because I got here as fast as I could and am not 'native') ;) Besides, I've always loved midwestern expressions! :) And the gun store...LORDY! LOL

Brea
www.becomingbrea.com

PS: Found you at Bloggy Moms!! :)

Meg said...

Totally remember Mrs. Pool. Loved her!

OMGosh I think I would have looked at that little bar maid like she was crazy. Your math comment is still cracking me up. Math not my thing!

Megan

Joann Mannix said...

I would kill my husband if he stayed home. Seriously. He makes his own hours and some days he lingers around the house and I JUST WANT HIM TO LEAVE.

And speaking of my husband, I'm going to have to show him this pic. OMG, he would be in heaven. He's a marksman and this would rock his world.

I live in the South, so you'd think I'd be used to it, but every once and awhile, I have to say, "scuse me?"

I guess you really don't like Janet Reno, then? She kind of scares me, too.

Amanda said...

Oh, Joann. I don't know if I could handle the make your own hours schedule. Simply for the reason you gave.

We do well with that here because he's a morning person *shudder* so he's out the door early. When he gets home I'm happy to see him!

The gun store shocked me for two reasons. The name, which is hilarious/scary. And also, the sheer size of the store! It was HUGE. Like Sam's Club. I'm not sure I want to be in a Sam's Club full of people looking for cheap guns!

purplume said...

In NY they talk fast too. I grew up there so I'm used to it.
The holes in my head fit the rocks in my husband's head perfectly. We both work at home and are together so much. We each have our own den.That sign does speak for itself. XD