The Day Target Hated Me

Like most sane people, I've had a life long love affair with Target. 

Like Walmart you can walk in and buy anything imaginable, but unlike shopping at Walmart, Target won't make you want to stab your eye with a pen.  Also unlike Walmart, you will go in for the basics and come out with at least $75.00 worth of stuff every time.  

You may arrive with the goal of quickly grabbing some shampoo, but you will depart with multi-vitamins for your dog, a picture frame, a turtleneck, a box of cereal, sun tan lotion and a new table for your entryway.  So magical a place is Target, that you can even bring your husband or boyfriend, and they can play with the hooked up game systems while you pick out 3 pairs of flip flops you don't need.

Target is pretty and shiny and we get a contact high just from being near all their grand Method products.  

I'm pretty sure when I die I want my ashes to be scattered through a Target, hopefully near the pajama aisle.  And I want all my loved ones to wear khaki pants and red polo shirts.

However, I almost ruined Target for myself in my early 20's.  

I woke up one morning to the phone ringing.  It was Target.   

Is this Amanda?  

Yes

We need you to come down to the store as soon as possible.

OK, why?  

There is a problem with the check you wrote.

What?  I had a terrifying social work salary, true, but I didn't bounce checks.  

And he had not said it nicely, he used an accusatory tone.  Someone from Target was mad at me! 

Instead of changing and looking like a person that did not bounce checks, I opted to wear my pajama pants. I had recently graduated from college and this practice was not slapped out of me yet.  

Kids, there's a finite amount of time where you can get away with this, then it becomes sort of trashy.  When that happens, don't panic, you just go to Target and buy black yoga pants.  Black yoga pants will be the pajama pants of your adulthood.

So, with my stomach churning about why Target was mad at me, I drove to the store.  I thought back to the day before, when I stopped there to buy socks.  So I bought socks, sheets, a t-shirt and face cream of course.  I could not figure out what had happened that would cause Target to stalk me at home.

I walked over to the customer service area, as I had been instructed on the phone by the hateful Target jerk.   I told them my name and said I had been contacted about a problem with my check.  The customer service woman's face perked up at my description and I could tell that all of Target had been talking about me.  

My BFF Target was gossiping about me!  I was starting to get irritated and gathered up all my dignity and acted as though I was someone who didn't care about Target hating me....and then they showed me my check.  

It looked like this:

                               Amanda A. Target

Now, it's important that you know my last name began with a T and had 6 letters to it.  I also remember that as I was writing the check I was busy judging this woman with two children throwing fits (don't worry lady, I got my payback 8 years later with my own children), and in my distraction and judgement I had signed my last name as Target.  Which, I'm sure, made it seem to Target that I was trying to just rip them off.  


You could argue that the person who took my check should have noticed, and that's fine.  I'm the type of person who signs my checks Amanda A. Target, so I don't get to judge the check out lady.  

You can pick your favorite thing about this, but personally I love that I added the middle initial.  To me, that really propels what I had done from stupid to just plain douchetastic.  So awesome was I, while shopping at Target, that I needed to add my middle initial to make it extra fancy.  

So, there you go.  That happened.




Hey!  Check this out- JC Little from The Animated Woman was inspired by this post and drew me!  Click on that link and check out her website!  
                     Here's my pic:

     

                                                                                                        

                 

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