It was necessary for my husband to begin his job in Texas three weeks prior to our planned move. If your heart hasn't dropped for me yet, let me break down what this means. For the last 3 weeks, I've been on my own with our offspring.
We planned it this way, well, because we are morons. It made sense for a lot of reasons before we went down this path, but now that I have not an ounce of sanity left, I can't remember any of those reasons. I can assure you, no reason was good enough.
Here are a few of my life experiences I would choose to re-experience (sure, that will be a word today) over ever experiencing this again:
2) That rickshaw ride I took in India from a restaurant to my hotel room after eating something that made my insides try to leave my body.
3) My sunburn from Disney's Typhoon Lagoon.
4) Watching Eyes Wide Shut starring Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman.
All of you single parents and military spouses who are used to being the only person manning the ship at home for long periods of time, feel free to roll your eyes at my complaints as far up and long as you can. Because my hat is off to you people. You are not being paid enough or given enough recognition.
The good thing about this challenge is that I learned life lessons. Any good challenge in life helps us do that, right?
Here are a few of the things I learned:
1) I can exist on wine and cereal alone.
2) When my husband is gone I have to take out the garbage. I learned that I can stretch this out by stuffing what should fit into 2 bags all into 1.
3) When you stuff a garbage bag super full, it will tear and garbage will free fall down the stairs to your basement. Flex force my ass.
4) My husband usually picked up baby paraphernalia (toys, play mat, burp cloths, etc.) while I was bathing our youngest each night. Apparently this is vital to our life because right now our living room looks like an episode of "Hoarders: A Very Special Baby Edition".
5) It is not necessary to put away clean laundry. You can store it on your spouses side of the bed, and it provides a bonus comforting affect at night when it creates the illusion that your husband is in the bed too. Also, while your small kids can't reach hangers, they can just pull something off the bed on their own.
6) The second your husband leaves home, a small puddle will suddenly appear in the basement. You will never be able to figure out where the water came from. Probably because you put a lot of energy into ignoring the fact that you spotted it in the first place.
7) Special garbage fairies apparently do not appear and bring the garbage cans down to the end of the driveway on garbage day. Garbage day came and went and our garbage was still in our backyard in overflowing garbage cans. Twice now.
8) When ones husband is gone and one thinks, "Man, I'd like a beer", one can open the fridge and look, but there will never be any beer. I never buy beer, apparently my husband is my beer hunter and gatherer.
9) If it weren't for Facebook status' I would not have known March Madness was even being held this year.
10) For a quiet person, my husband sure makes an impact on this house, because we all sorely miss him.
Tomorrow my husband will return, and I honestly don't know if I want to kiss him or throat punch him when I see him.