Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Rap Songs Comfort Me So

So, today was another emotion filled goody due to our move.  Let me just say, I am so blessed that this moving thing has turned into a long drawn out emotional process, because it means we have a lot of love around us.  Now having said that, I'm about ready to just move already so that I can create a new normal.

Today my oldest friend (as in longevity of our friendship, not like she's 116 years old) left after visiting us for a few days with her awesome family.  My daughter had to leave for school before they left, so being 5, she felt she had been hugely slighted by having to miss out on one second of the fun.  She's also feeling the impact of our move, and she's getting very emotional.  This resulted in me having to peel her off of me when I dropped her off in her classroom, something that hasn't happened since she was in her 3 year old class room.  The teacher literally dragged her away.  This whole thing made me very upset, because I know she's clingy and sad due to choices we are making for her.  They are the right choices, but it just doesn't feel right when I can see her hurting.

So, I drove back home blinded by tears.  Deciding I needed to pull it together I turned the radio on.

Here's something you need to know about my husband. The first time we hung out for any length of time was when I sat in his dorm room and listened to his SEVEN disk CD set of love songs.  Yes, you did read that right.  Air Supply, Phil Collins, any song that was full of angst and hope and then more angst- we listened to it.  And in the 12 years I've been with him now, I haven't stopped listening to it.  Being married to him is like having my own personal Delilah.

Which brings me to today:   I drive the car that he used to drive, and I'm far too lazy to change his radio stations, so I drive around in the car feeling like I'm in the midst of a heart wrenching break up due to the music playing.*

So my sad self turned on the radio and was serenaded by Carly Simon who was telling me about her pain. She didn't have time for the pain. She didn't have room for the pain. She didn't have need for the pain.  Then I turned on another station and Ben Folds was telling me that now that he'd found someone he felt more alone than he'd ever felt before.  As I started crying harder, I thought,  "This is not good".

So then I turned it to Kiss FM.   And I rolled down the window, lest I return home to my houseful of friends and family looking like I was red and swollen eyed from crying.

Someone pulled up next to me at a light and our eyes met for a brief moment.  I started to laugh as they drove off.  Because what they had seen was a haggard looking freak, tears streaming down her face while driving around on a frigid day with the window down and all the while this pumping loudly out the window:

Now errybody in the club gettin tipsy,
errybody in the club gettin tipsy,
Now errybody in the club gettin tipsy,
errybody in the club gettin tipsy,
Now errybody in the club gettin tipsy,
errybody in the club gettin tipsy,
Now errybody in the club gettin tipsy,
errybody in the club gettin tipsy.






 *Although, it's better than being in my sister's car.  Her car makes you feel like you just walked into a coffee house from the 60's.  It's all stuff like that Little Boxes theme song from Weeds.  Sorry, Jackie.  But it's true.

6 comments:

Amanda M. said...

Wow. We totally went through our move (I now realize) at the very same age/time with M as you are with N. It's hard. OMG, I could totally have written down the same part where you talk about knowing you're making the right choices, yet it's so hard to see b/c she's hurting. The move will be best, but the part where you're in limbo and don't have the new normal yet really stinks. And is hard. :( Keeping you all in my prayers. And for now, perhaps Diddy can keep you comforted.

KLZ said...

I'm sorry this is hard. But your cultural references make me smile.

Shell said...

Can only imagine what they were thinking! LOL

Sorry about the move, though- moves are always hard. Even when they are for the best.

Megs said...

I was pretty sure I'd hit my quota for crying after the weekend. Then I read your blog and thought of N's precious face saying good-bye and the waterworks started again. But I was immediately laughing after the visual of you blaring the Tipsy song in your car. I especially liked that you included the lyrics :)

Suniverse said...

Rap songs ARE comforting. Eminem? Perfect for getting motivated. Dr. Dre & Snoop Dogg? Yeah, they'll make you think about your life. And when I'm feeling really angry? Ice Cube, particularly The Predator.

sabrina0024 said...

AMANDA! Your blog had all the emotions, I was sad in the beginning, then I was giggly, then I was offended. Julia's coffee house music is wonderful (speaking of course, as another coffee house listener). :)

I am happy that song made you feel better...I have to say - I kind of dig it.