Let's Get Silly

Friday, April 1, 2011

My Cat Is A Bad Ass Sky Diver

Hey, did you know that if you are going to bring your cat as checked baggage on a United flight from Milwaukee to Texas, by Texas law you have to have all vaccinations up to date 30 days prior to your flight?  If you did, you sure as hell should have told us, because we have tickets to fly on Sunday and one little kitty who is not invited.  

Seriously, Texas is considered to have some of the most permissive gun laws in the nation- but they have strict rules about my 12 year old indoor cat entering their state? 

So, guess who is going on a road trip?  We are!  Guess how much this sucks?  Hugely!  

I think Gladys (our cat) should have to drive at least one stretch of the trip for this snafu.  If Toonces could handle it, so can Gladys:

Picture two car seats in the back.

This is not the first time that Gladys has caused a ruckus in our lives.  Many years ago, in my pre-married life, I lived with my friend Shannon and my husband lived with her boyfriend.  How cute of us, huh?  It was sort of like commune living.  And then we were all in each other's weddings!  Fa la la la la!

One night the four of us went to a Billy Joel/Elton John concert and came home exhausted and needing to go to bed as we all worked the next day.  I walked into my bedroom and immediately something felt a bit off.  Couldn't put my figure on it, and then looking around I SAW IT.  My curtains were being sucked in and out of the open window.  My window, which I had left open, was now missing a screen.

Gladys often loved to lounge in my window.  Sometimes in the midst of lounging she would get up out of her slumber and place her little front legs up onto the screen and streeeeetch her body out.  So, when I looked at the missing screen I knew right away what caused it.  Sure enough, Gladys was no where to be seen.  

Guess who got to come back over?  The boys!  They were so happy, seeing as how we were all exhausted to begin with and all.  Then we all headed out into the cold, dark night and called out to Gladys.  Guess what happened next...it started to rain.  Not just a light mist, but the kind that slaps against you and stings.  Then it started coming down so hard that ditches and gutters were flooding, and for a grand finale the rest of the night was filled with lightening and thunder.  

We had to give up searching.  I laid in bed awake all night, feeling so awful that my kitty was out in the flooding grass somewhere, terrified by the cold and lightening.

The next day I was so upset, but had to go to work.  You can't really call in because your cat fell out of a window.  Well, unless you are Paula Abdul, and then I'm guessing no one bats an eye.  

Anyway, at the time my husband was still in college (cradle robber much?) and he did the nicest thing in the world.  He took a picture of Gladys and knocked on every door in the neighborhood. 

 It's important that you know, he doesn't even really like cats.  Between this act of going door to door and the time he taught my seriously computer illiterate mom how to use a computer, and then laminated about 25 different step by step instruction cards he had hand written telling her how to handle specific situations, I seriously can just never divorce him.  

So, after knocking on numerous doors to no avail, he finally hit gold.  A woman said she had in fact seen the cat, it showed up at her door step the previous afternoon meowing hysterically.  She said she looked at the cat's tummy and figured out she was pregnant, so she called the humane society and asked them to come get the lost cat as it was obviously giving birth.  

PS- My cat was not pregnant.  She was just tummy-licious thank you very much.

My husband then drove to the humane society and reclaimed Gladys!  Success!

The great thing was, that whole night that I stayed up crying that my cat was out in the cold thunderstorm, she had not been out there for even a second.  Nope, she fell out of the window while I was at work.  Which means before we even left for the concert, she had already been found and given to the humane society so she could give birth in a safe place.  So she was all "I'm all warm and dry in this kennel, living large!" when the four of us were out searching for hours.  

And now this situation...a 15 hour road trip to get this cat to our new home. 

 Isn't having a cat supposed to be charming and calming?  

So, I think you can agree, the very least this stress invoking cat could do for me would be to drive the damn car halfway to Texas. 


clreaume said...

If Gladys is anything like any of the 3 kitties who have "allowed" me to be in their lives, she owes you nothing! You, however, owe her your undying gratitude, love, and lots of treats on the 15 hour ride. Good luck, enjoy the scenery along the way, and bring some nose plugs. Kitty smells in the car can be horrific! I know from experience. My cats have traveled between MI and WI so many times I think they actually could drive it on their own if only they could reach the gas pedal and steering wheel at the same time!

FYI you can get some kitty sleeping pills to help them relax and snooze the trip away. I had a less than reluctant traveler, and the pills we a godsend. A howling cat is so annoying, even more so when locked within a vehicle.

Safe travels!

Mommy on the Spot said...

Toonces! I haven't seen that in years!!

Doesn't your cat rescuer know that it's rude to call someone pregnant, even if it's a cat? Seriously.

Julie said...

I love that your cat is tummylicious and am going to henceforth use that word as often as possible (along with "henceforth" which is sort of underutilized if you ask me. But you didn't, so sorry).

Good luck and I love cradle robbers!
(That didn't sound quite right either. I do that a lot. and apologize, too.)

Rache said...

Oh I know how you feel! We named our cat Tybalt for a reason. He is definitely the antagonist in our family. We have a 10 year old droopy-drooly-smelly-boogery fur-that-comes-off-in-clumps Bassett Hound named Walter and Tybalt tortures that poor dog all the time. I think the only reason Walter doesn't bite the kitty's head off is because he knows he'll get yelled at if he does.

Oh and @clreaume: I get that, "Why do I let you people live?" look from Tybalt all the time!

Suniverse said...

I loved Toonces!

I think Gladys owes you, big time. If she can't drive, at least she can handle getting snacks, changing CDs and maybe organizing car games.

sabrina0024 said...

1. I think there needs to be a "LIKE" button by the paragraph about G.R. going door to door with a picture. :)

2. I remember Julia telling me about how he taught your mom how to use the computer...I many have even seen the cards.

3. What a little stinker that Gladys is...but it made for a WONDERFUL blog. :) "Like".

Carolynleigh said...

I got your info from the SITS forum. I'm following now :)

Lindsay said...

Visiting again from SITS. I love your writing style, you make everything hilarious. Good luck with your road trips!