So, here are some of the good times I've had recently.
Yesterday I took the girls to a bounce house and then to a park. On the way to the park I had stopped to get a Frosty from Wendy's for Nora. Because I'm just cool like that.
I also bought a salad for me, and took both to the park to be consumed and also to enjoy fun and frivolity.
I had just settled Evie and begun eating my salad, when Nora sauntered up to me walking goofy and holding her crotch. She had to go to the bathroom, of course. There were no bathrooms, of course. When we left the bounce house I had said, "Do you need to use the bathroom?", to which she replied "NO!", of course.
In front of the other couple at the park she said, "Mom, I don't want to leave! Can we just pee outside behind a tree like you sometimes let me do?".
From the look the couple gave me, I'm thinking no one around here let's their kid pee outside at a park, just so they don't have to leave. Duly noted, we won't do that here.
So we'd been there for ten minutes when I had to load up the car again.
Ever since we became parents, I feel like we somehow morphed into packing mules. We have two children, yet I am laden down with about 4 bags and whatever paraphernalia they refuse to carry after promising "I swear I'll carry it if you let me bring it, Mama!". Yeah, right. So I put Evie's seat in the car and move on to unloading the crap. Then Nora announced she needed help buckling. This makes sense since her hand is grabbing her crotch due to the pee issue. While I'm doing this I hear, "Mom, Evie is eating a napkin."
Sure enough she was happily making out with a yellow Wendy's napkin. I do not know how she got it, it may have been in the back seat if I handed it to Nora with her frosty, she may have somehow grabbed it when I set it down to do something. At any rate, she was eating it.
I left Nora and went and took the napkin away from Evie, noticing that there was a lot missing. She was mad as hell to be separated from her new BFF The Napkin, so she screamed like I'd tried to shove the napkin in her ear. While screaming she started choking. So I put my fingers in her mouth and fish hooked two globs of napkin out. I checked her over for more napkin, decided she was all fixed up and started driving.
Suddenly I hear choking.
I pulled the car over and ran to Evie. She was choking and not making noise. My heart exploded and Nora kept screaming, "I want Dada! Evie is choking!".
That makes sense, she would want the parent that didn't just feed the 7 month old baby a napkin.
I repeated the fish hook and found nothing. I had no idea what to do because I knew I couldn't shove my fingers down her throat or I could make things worse. I also freaked out because she has a cleft palate and no one mentioned if they choke where it goes. That may sound weird, but I didn't know if it was going up into her nose and if it did, how I'd get it.
I took her car seat out of the car, ready to run to the street to get someone to stop so they'd call 911 while I worked on Evie. Suddenly a giant yellow napkin glob flew out of her mouth with one last choke on her behalf.
I'm going to sum it up by saying, that sucked and I can't put into words how helpless I felt. The rest of the day I just kept looking at her and thinking how different that scenario could have ended, and I woke up this morning still thankful and shaken. I also emailed someone on the Children's cleft palate team to talk about choking.
So when we finally got home, everyone was shaken. I took Evie out of her car seat and she was covered in baby crap. In line with the theme here, that also made sense because she'd almost choked to death. I would have shat my pants too. Now Evie, me and my clothes were all covered in it.
At least I still got to walk up 3 flights of stairs (did I mention our temporary apartment is 3 flights up and no elevator? Whee! God has a sense of humor and He's hilarious!) with the diaper bag, crappy pants Evie, and Nora lamenting about how I could let Evie eat napkins.
We stayed home the rest of the day. I'm thinking maybe we'll skip parks this year. And Wendy's.