My Cat Is A Bad Ass Sky Diver

Hey, did you know that if you are going to bring your cat as checked baggage on a United flight from Milwaukee to Texas, by Texas law you have to have all vaccinations up to date 30 days prior to your flight?  If you did, you sure as hell should have told us, because we have tickets to fly on Sunday and one little kitty who is not invited.  


Seriously, Texas is considered to have some of the most permissive gun laws in the nation- but they have strict rules about my 12 year old indoor cat entering their state? 


So, guess who is going on a road trip?  We are!  Guess how much this sucks?  Hugely!  




I think Gladys (our cat) should have to drive at least one stretch of the trip for this snafu.  If Toonces could handle it, so can Gladys:

Picture two car seats in the back.

This is not the first time that Gladys has caused a ruckus in our lives.  Many years ago, in my pre-married life, I lived with my friend Shannon and my husband lived with her boyfriend.  How cute of us, huh?  It was sort of like commune living.  And then we were all in each other's weddings!  Fa la la la la!


One night the four of us went to a Billy Joel/Elton John concert and came home exhausted and needing to go to bed as we all worked the next day.  I walked into my bedroom and immediately something felt a bit off.  Couldn't put my figure on it, and then looking around I SAW IT.  My curtains were being sucked in and out of the open window.  My window, which I had left open, was now missing a screen.


Gladys often loved to lounge in my window.  Sometimes in the midst of lounging she would get up out of her slumber and place her little front legs up onto the screen and streeeeetch her body out.  So, when I looked at the missing screen I knew right away what caused it.  Sure enough, Gladys was no where to be seen.  


Guess who got to come back over?  The boys!  They were so happy, seeing as how we were all exhausted to begin with and all.  Then we all headed out into the cold, dark night and called out to Gladys.  Guess what happened next...it started to rain.  Not just a light mist, but the kind that slaps against you and stings.  Then it started coming down so hard that ditches and gutters were flooding, and for a grand finale the rest of the night was filled with lightening and thunder.  


We had to give up searching.  I laid in bed awake all night, feeling so awful that my kitty was out in the flooding grass somewhere, terrified by the cold and lightening.


The next day I was so upset, but had to go to work.  You can't really call in because your cat fell out of a window.  Well, unless you are Paula Abdul, and then I'm guessing no one bats an eye.  


Anyway, at the time my husband was still in college (cradle robber much?) and he did the nicest thing in the world.  He took a picture of Gladys and knocked on every door in the neighborhood. 


 It's important that you know, he doesn't even really like cats.  Between this act of going door to door and the time he taught my seriously computer illiterate mom how to use a computer, and then laminated about 25 different step by step instruction cards he had hand written telling her how to handle specific situations, I seriously can just never divorce him.  


So, after knocking on numerous doors to no avail, he finally hit gold.  A woman said she had in fact seen the cat, it showed up at her door step the previous afternoon meowing hysterically.  She said she looked at the cat's tummy and figured out she was pregnant, so she called the humane society and asked them to come get the lost cat as it was obviously giving birth.  


PS- My cat was not pregnant.  She was just tummy-licious thank you very much.


My husband then drove to the humane society and reclaimed Gladys!  Success!


The great thing was, that whole night that I stayed up crying that my cat was out in the cold thunderstorm, she had not been out there for even a second.  Nope, she fell out of the window while I was at work.  Which means before we even left for the concert, she had already been found and given to the humane society so she could give birth in a safe place.  So she was all "I'm all warm and dry in this kennel, living large!" when the four of us were out searching for hours.  


And now this situation...a 15 hour road trip to get this cat to our new home. 


 Isn't having a cat supposed to be charming and calming?  


So, I think you can agree, the very least this stress invoking cat could do for me would be to drive the damn car halfway to Texas.