How I Learned What the Crap a Meme Is

So this morning I woke up to two things;  Four billion buckets of snow on my house and a note from Joann from Laundry Hurts my Feelings telling me she hoped I didn’t mind, but she mentioned me on her blog.  Um....let’s see....I’m no one and she’s an award winning blogger.  I’m hugely offended.  

Apparently, I am to complete a Meme. Do you complete them? Or write them? Whatever. It's basically like one of those email deals you get where they say "Answer these questions or everyone you love will leave you and also God will hate you". Except, the rules are different, and apparently the punishment for screwing it up involves people on the internet shunning you.

My 5 year old is home and going bat shit crazy due to the snow day, so I had to choose between caring appropriately for my child or sitting down to figure out this meme deal.  I thought, “What would Super Nanny do?”  So,  I made a giant vat of macaroni and cheese and plopped my child in front of the TV  to eat it while I completed my assignment.  I feel that choice is ok because it’s going to allow her to carb up, which will be helpful if the blizzard becomes so severe that we have to send our children out to shovel pioneer style.  



So here are the rules:  
1. Display Graphic. Um...awesome. I can barely sign into my blog, trying to figure out how to add banners to my side bar has consumed me for two straight weeks, and I don't understand what HTML actually is.... But, yeah. Let me graphic it up!

2. List five things about yourself, four have to be out and out lies.  My life in the witness protection program has prepared me well for this task.

3. Pass Meme on to five others. Five others....all the bloggers I follow are HUGE.  They are going to laugh at me if I include them on my blog.  But, hey, I’m gonna give it a whirl!

4. Rules have to be followed or you'll get blocked on Twitter and other bad things. This one makes me laugh.  I’m small potatoes on Twitter.  People would more likely be able to tell through their computer that someone sneezed, than they would be to notice I was no longer on Twitter.  

So here we go internet:

Here is a graphic.  I tried hard to find somewhere that I could airbrush my name, because airbrushing is certainly the way to go.  But because of my issues with being smart, I thought, well let's go sparkly/tacky then.  So here is a sparkly and tacky graphic, my friends.

And here are my 5 thingies (that's what he said):




1.)  I have a touch of The OCD, one of my main compulsions includes washing our cat at least 4-5 times a week. 

2.)  My uncle drives the local Oscar Mayer Wiener mobile and each year on my birthday he takes me for a ride in it.  

3.) Oprah called awhile back and let me know of her plans to create her new network, OWN.   I sensed right away this was different than our daily call, and of course was right.  She  pitched the idea that I would take over her beloved talk show while she moved on to work at OWN.  She begged me saying she didn’t want the talk show to end.  I said, “O....listen I have a little dream myself.  I want to start a blog.  So, obviously with something as huge as blogging on the side of a stay at home mom career going on in my life, this opportunity is not that enticing.  Why don’t you call Gail?”  Oprah scoffed at the Gail idea and went on to say some particularly cruel things about Gail.  Oprah, hysterical and unable to see the reality of the situation, continued imploring me to take over her 25 year career.  Finally, she quietly began to sob and softly said, “You’re not going to do it are you?” to which I replied, “Opes, you’ve just had your a-ha moment.”   The next day she announced that her talk show could not go on.  Only Oprah and I knew why.  Until now.

4.)  I fainted at Janet Reno’s feet on the 4th of July as she recited the Pledge of Allegiance on the Capital steps.

5.)  As a child I worked like a dog to perfect the art of Irish dancing, and won several awards.




So....which was the lie people? If you guess it correctly in the comments thread you won't win anything because, once again, my blog is a little piece of nothingness and no one sponsors me or sends me give aways. But, you can have the self-satisfaction that good hard work and guessing brings you.


OK, so here are the people I will forward this to so they can go back to being huge bloggers that have no idea I exist and probably will not follow through. But it's ok. It gives me a chance to say they are swell.




1.) One of the first blogs I ever read belongs to Heather Spohr. Her blog, The Spohrs Are Multiplying , is a extremely unique mix of the bitter and the sweet. She is also utterly hilarious and sort of self deprecating in a way that allows us all to relate to her as woman. Heather began her blog when her first daughter, Madeline, was born as a preemie. It went on to document their beautiful life with Maddie and the tragic, horrible loss that occurred when Maddie passed from complications due to her premature birth. Heather and Mike are incredible parents and people and have gone on to create Friends of Maddie which raises money for the March of Dimes. They've done the only thing you can after such a loss, they've moved forward and made sure that Maddie's life will always touch many others. They've also now had a second beautiful daughter, Annie, and her antics and first year has been well documented on the blog. Check out their hilarious Spohr TV.


2.) Mommy Wants Vodka is the blog that covers it all. She is insanely funny in a way I've never known anyone to be, but she's also got a heart of gold that she tries her hardest to hide with swear words and pranks on John C Mayer. Her daughter, Amelia Grace, was born with a encephalocele. I did not know what that was, and when people are confronted with their children having one Aunt Becky learned that they have no where to go. She has worked hard to make sure that no one else who has a child born with this neural tube defect will have to google it and find practically nothing. Now you can find Aunt Becky. You may notice a trend that I dig websites that combine their humor with a cause close their hearts. Aunty Becky also put me on her blog roll, and that was extremely kind.


3.) Barefoot Foodie has the most bizarre and perfect sense of humor. When you read her blog, you are going to be left wishing that you had known her in High School so you could have been BFF's.


4.) The Pioneer Woman is the woman that I will absolutely never be, but sure would love it if I was at least a tid bit like her.


5.) Another person, like Joann, who has been so kind to me as I start this little blog is Shell from Things I Can't Say. From what I gather, this type of kindness is just how she is. She has answered questions and never let a comment from me go without notice. Her blog is thoughtful, inspiring, funny, and all those things that make it perfect to put in your RSS and read each day with coffee.


So there you go. 5 people who don't know I exist, and that's ok, I'm just happy I know they exist.


Thank you, Joann!