Wednesday, January 26, 2011

How I Learned Quickly That Children are In Fact Not Easier to Deal With Than Co-Workers

When I quit my job to become a stay at home mom, I had these images of walking to farmers markets with my daughter, who would be dressed in a beautiful sun dress and we’d purchase organic things that we would take home and turn into meals.  It would all be very earth mothery and Zen and what not.  Then I woke up and realized we live in the Tundra, thus we have a farmer’s market about 3 days of the year, and also walking there from my house would only be done after a great deal of whining and bitching on behalf of both my daughter and myself.  

After the Farmers Market we would take a drive to the local story hour, where I would relive all my childhood favorite books through my daughters eyes.  We would end that visit by purchasing a book which we would go home and read together, thus cultivating in my child the love of books that I have always enjoyed.  Instead of this idyllic celebration of literacy, I brought my daughter to story “hour”, which began early and lasts about the length of a child’s book- approximately 4 minutes.  So basically we were there for two minutes of a story since we made the mistake of showing up on time.  During these 2 minutes my daughter managed to run past the classic children’s books and dump all the books off the shelf that featured a little Hispanic cartoon character and her weird fox friend.  My darling girl then whined about wanting to get all the books, until I finally made her leave and go home with me with no book at all.  



After reading the book we’d purchased at the book store, I pictured Nora going into her room where she would escape into a world of make believe with all of the MILLIONS OF FREAKING TOYS SHE HAS and I would clean a few things (because I would never let the house get to messy) and then I’d sit on the couch with my legs crossed nicely and read a book.  What actually happened is Nora continued her tantrum from the bookstore for another 5 minutes, had a time out, then came out of her room and proceeded to say forty billion times, “What can I do now?”.  Meanwhile I had thrown out all thoughts of cleaning because every nerve I had at this point was shot.  Plus, cleaning is stupid.

Then I imagined G.R. would walk into the door, excited to see his calm and happy family after their fun day of togetherness.  It would be a soothing and calm environment and he’d be so proud to be making the sacrifices that came with having a stay at home wife, because just look at how wonderful his family turned out to be!  Instead, G.R. walked in the door and I barely made eye contact with him before complaining in great detail about how “his” daughter had acted all day and how I was totally done and there was no dinner made and unless he wanted to make dinner himself he could just order us all something because I was going to our room to lay down and look at People magazine and think about the fact that I had quit my job and ruined every body's lives.


10 comments:

Amanda M. said...

True dat.

Tracey - Just Another Mommy Blog said...

Oh honey. You do know the answer to this problem, right?

You got it! Have another baby. It always solves EVERYthing. :)

Amanda said...

True, a newborn always cures all!
Um, no more babies!

Megs said...

I love this! And it's just one snapshot of one day. To think, each day brings with it it's own unique examples of how children and co-workers are not at all the same.

Maggie said...

I feel like this is how everyday is at my house and I am only home from 430 till bedtime (8ish). The setting just changes. Sometimes Walmart, sometimes the mall, the other day it was that he needed Scooby Doo Bandaids at the pharmacy...etc. I give you credit for doing it ALL day.

Christy said...

All hail the stay-at-home mom!!! I seriously give you mad props for what you do. I'll take a crotchety old boss anyday :)

DP said...

Thanks for the visit. I am following you back!

-DP
Hip Chick's Guide to PMS, Pregnancy, and Babies

Raquel's World said...

Funny how life never really Mimics TV. NOt good ole fashion TV anyways.

Alexis said...

I am CONSTANTLY amazed at how different I thought parenting would be to how it actually is. I thought my children would love to cuddle and shower me with kisses. My 2 YO refuses to kiss anybody but the cat who doesn't actually want any.

I thought I would get into shape while they snacked and entertained each other in the jogger. Jheesh what actually goes on in the jogger is a whole post on it's own.

I thought that when you sang the darn "clean up song" kids would jump to clean up just like they do at preschool. I thought that tantrums would never happen because I would be such an amazing mom. Man....I can't hardly thing of a single thing I thought being a parent WOULD be like that is actually true...

Life as the mother of 4 said...

You must not be doing it right because you just described a typical day for me. My children never, argue or complain, get straight As, eat all their vegetables without complaining, put all their toys away ... no, really!