Another Season, Another Reason Why Sister Wives Would Be Helpful.

Christmas is a difficult time for those of us who are challenged.  

While people are perfecting their handmade holiday decorations, here in Team R land we are still tripping over the Christmas decoration boxes we brought out of storage weeks ago. 

We decorated our home at the beginning of December, yet the boxes still lay here.  At this point we must ask, do we bother putting them away?  Soon we'll just have to get them out again to put all this red and green crap back.  

There is a smug woman out there right now who has completed all her baking, shopping and wrapping.  Now she's just sitting back, ready to bask in the holiday joy.  

Meanwhile while fervently purchasing gift cards on the internet to offer people the ultimate personal gift this year, I noticed our toddler was MIA.  I found her in the bathroom, where she was playing in the toilet with a spoon.  When I came out of the bathroom with her, I walked into the living room where the dog was eating my wallet.  

While moms are planning the perfect Elf on the Shelf moment, I'm scrambling because I messed up and Nora ended up seeing Evie's Santa presents.  To get her back, I'm thinking of hanging a freaky Elf on the Shelf elf by its toes over Nora's bed whilst she sleeps, so that she wakes with it hovering overhead.  

I was worried about having a decorated Christmas tree this year, because we have both a toddler and a puppy.  I was certain they would both be pulling down ornaments and breaking them.   

How did that pan out?  Well, let's check out the situation so far:

Broken Ornaments for the 2011 Christmas Season: 

Toddler- 0  

Puppy- 0  

Mom- 3

Every day I'm receiving lovely family portraits that people have sent out as their Christmas cards.  


Meanwhile, I don't have Christmas pictures of my beautiful girls.  But I do have these to share at holiday parties:

I can only assume he found this hussy in a bar somewhere.

I'm especially proud of this holiday moment.

Nora's hair is caught in Mosby's dog collar.
Yes, that actually happened.  My faithful  readers may remember The Strawberry Shortcake Car incident, click here to read about that one.

So, I wrote this blog with YOU in mind.  That's right, you right there.  The one who put her cookies in the oven to bake and then went out to get the mail, started chatting with a neighbor and forgot all about the cookies, only to come home to charred black cookies that look like the Grinch's heart before it grew.


I salute you, other challenged girls.  Somehow our families end up just as happy as those who pull off a Christmas that looked like Etsy and Pinterest threw up all over it.  


Merry Christmas!  

2011 ~ The Year Of The Giant-Ass Spiders

In order to celebrate the closing of 2011, I would like to share what I have learned this year.  Obviously, most revolves around moving from Wisconsin to Texas.  

Whenever possible I linked it to my old blog posts, because sometimes it's nice to read about a train wreck more than once.  


Here is a side note for my dad:  Anything in pink is a link.  Please don't call me and ask me where the links are, or what a link is.  Just click and enjoy!

The bobcats are not as enticed with me as I thought they would be.  I've not been mauled even once.

Armadillos jump.  Also:  It's not possible to actually find an armadillo that hasn't been smashed in the road. As God is my witness, I WILL one day see an armadillo.

A  gelding means a "horse that ain't got no balls".  

Like everything in Texas, the spiders are bigger.  Much, much bigger.

When you cancel all your original air travel plans because your cat is not allowed to fly,  and take on the arduous task of driving to Texas, that cat will kick the bucket a few weeks after you get to Texas.  


You will then promise your heartbroken and homesick daughter a dog.  And all hell will break loose.

When they tell you to pay your water bill in Texas, they are not messing around.  Water is pretty sacred around here. 


Learning a new town is quite difficult when you are so direction challenged that you couldn't find your ass with two hands a flashlight.

When you are trying to keep yourself under the radar and just give yourself time to acclimate to your new life in a new state, that is the exact moment when your daughter will crack her head on a pool slide, hundreds of people will be cleared out of the pool, and ambulances will be called.  This blows all anonymity for the rest of the summer at the pool, by the way.

Try as you might to not have an accent around your new Texas friends, saying things like "you betcha" and "ya know" are mighty hard habits to break after growing up in Minnesota.

When you live in the Midwest and the temperatures hit 100 degrees for several days, you will be urged by the news media to "check on the young and the elderly", drink lots of water and stay in your home whenever possible.  When it happens in Texas the weather man just says, "It's going to be hotter than a mother  f#$&-er  again today."

When it rains in Texas, local news channels will actually send someone out to the field to provide us with a live shot of the light sprinkle.  If it stops raining before their live shot, they will actually show you the rain drops on their rain jacket.  This actually happened.

It's surprisingly hard to find good BBQ in Texas.  But when you do, it's like a religious experience.

When you choose to travel alone with your two young daughters on a nearly 3 hour plane ride....well you're just a big dumb idiot if you choose that.

When moving to Texas from the Midwest, one of the saddest things is the idea of missing out on the beautiful Midwest fall.  Then you experience the Texas fall and you realize, like everything else about the move, it will be OK.

                                                            Bring it on 2012!