Tuesday, June 14, 2011

This Will Be A Wiener Free Post

I think Mr. Wiener is a huge douche nozzle for humiliating a woman like Huma Abedin, so I won't contribute, thus providing you with a Wiener free environment.  Relax and enjoy it, my friends! 


I have been absent for a bit as I try to settle my family into our new house.  


That's an adult way of explaining that I've been unpacking boxes while watching Laguna Beach reruns via Netflix.  


Also, my baby started crawling.  Which means my life as I once knew it is now over.


So anyhoodles, thought I'd catch you up on the happenings around us here in Texas.  I'm finding our adaptation fascinating.  The weather has been near 100 every day now for awhile, and if this happened while we lived in Wisconsin I would have hid in our house, making out with the air conditioner and keeping 911 on speed dial seeing as how one of us would surely die.  


Now we wake up, usually without checking the weather, and just go about our day.  We spend a lot of time outdoors doing various things, and you know what?  I haven't died yet.  Not even close.  My daughter still runs and plays and the world keeps turning.  Fascinating!  


So, here I mentioned that I would soon be eaten by bobcats (are you seeing a pattern of my dramatic thought process yet?).  


I also whined in that post about giant scary snakes and spiders.  So, I thought I'd catch you up on Amanda Vs. Wild.  


I've taken some walks around the lake and lived.  


I listened to music and pretended I was relaxed, all the while looking for bobcats, mountain lions, trolls, Nessie and Bigfoot.  


Sure enough, Mother Nature did not let me down.  Are you ready for what I saw?










Brace yourself.  










It's super scary.












Here we go:


Turtles are terrifying.

OK, so finding a turtle is just plain fun.



Alas, I did find a very scary snake, justifying all my hand wringing and anxiety about the wild life around me:




The world's smallest snake.  Also, it's dead.





So, it turns out perhaps I made too much of things.  Strange.



BUT.  Something has happened that has me seriously concerned.



 This time I'm certain I have cause for alarm.







Crop circles.  In. My. Backyard.


Sigh....It's always something.


The worst thing is that my husband doesn't believe me.  Can you imagine that?  We have messages from extraterrestrial beings in our backyard, and he thinks it's just from the grill cover laying in the grass. 

Fool.  I hope they take him and not me.  

Then when they give him back I'm going to tell him I don't believe what he says happened.  And I know what they do when they get their hands on a human.  And it ain't like you saw in E.T. my friends!

So, that's us!  

Fighting the wild life and now the paranormal, all in a day's work.







14 comments:

Amanda M. said...

THere was a snake like that by our back door. Well, actually it was a bit smaller. And I was still scared. You are a total BA. The turtle was neat, though!!

ShanimalsCrackers.blogspot.com said...

The UFOs for those crop circles must be tiny. Midget aliens?

myinnerchick.com said...

You Crack Me Up :) !!! The circles? WTH?

Julie said...

I missed you and your hot, funny, bobcat-fearing sense of humor.

So glad it didn't get abducted by the aliens.

As long as you can face the crop circles, dead mini-snakes and ferocious turtles, you should be fine.

As for Laguna Beach on Netflix?
I'll be over in few hours with a pitcher of margaritas to help you unpack.

Suniverse said...

Crop circles? That shit is scary. VERY SCARY.

Glad you're surviving your move.

Mindy said...

As soon as I saw that pic I thought, "Crop circles. Poop." Those things terrify me. Even if they are made by alien grill masters! Wild animals and extra terrestrials? I'd never come out of my house!

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