Wednesday, May 2, 2012

The Peephole Dilemma

People are drawn to my door to sell me their wares.  


Whether it be windows, lawn care or trying to sell me their version of Jesus, the peeps just absolutely flock to my door.  Until I lived in this home, I never encountered someone trying to sell me a peep hole but I can now say at least 3 people have stopped by my house ecstatic to provide me with a peephole.  

It takes me awhile to get past the fact that they are saying peephole. Anything that ends in 'hole' is just plain funny.   Because of this fact, I spend at least 15 seconds in my head giggling and picturing 1950's men looking through some hole in the wall at dancing women.  

Once I get past that, I settle into the conversation.  It's intriguing to me that they stop by because I HAVE WINDOWS ON BOTH SIDES OF MY FRONT DOOR.

Peephole Peep:   Hello Ma'am, are you the lady of the house?

This always makes me feel like I'm fancy and should be dressed like Anne of Green Gables. 

Me:  Why, yes I am.  I AM the lady of the house.  

Peephole Peep:  I notice you do not have a peephole in your door.

Me:  No, we do not.  Because we do not want one.

Mr. Peephole:  Well, ma'am I have to say it's a safety issue.

I stare at him.  I want to say, Mr. Peephole, you just knocked on my door and I answered it even though I did not know you from Adam.  Had I owned a peephole, I would have looked out and thought, OH GOD, it's a peephole guy and not answered.  Clearly, neither of us is that bright, so let's keep our judgey pants off, mmmkay?

Instead I say:  We have windows going down both sides of the door, so I can already see whoever knocks.

Perry Peephole:  Well, you'll probably add curtains to the windows on each side of the door.

Me:  No.  Then I'd need to buy a peephole.  And then, when it was all said and done, I would have purchased your peephole and had two curtains custom made for each window.  OR...and I'm just throwing this out there, I could keep things as they are and just look out the window to see who is at the door.

Peepy Peeperson:  You could make the curtains yourself.

Me:  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  

Peephole:  Thanks for your time.   

Me:  You bet.

66 comments:

Megs said...

I am laughing my ass off picturing that whole exchange. Why don't you dress like Anne of Green Gables? The highlight is, of course, the suggestion of you making the curtains. I say that with all the affection in the world as I myself can't even thread a needle without wanting to throw things. Please never stop blogging.

Jim Lochtefeld said...

Thank you, Amanda. I feel much better after that laughing fit.

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Thank you, Amanda.
I feel much better after that laughing spell.

Julie said...

You are so right:
Peephole is a hysterical word!

Loved this, my friend.
Hard.

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My luck I'd have it installed and it would be backwards so people would be spying on meeeeeee!!!!

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Dwight Howard does not need surgery on his sore right shoulder, the Lakers said after Howard consulted a specialist. He sat out six games earlier this season because of a torn labrum in the shoulder.

Howard, 27, can become a free agent in less than two months after averaging 17.1 points and a league-high 12.4 rebounds in his only season with the Lakers.

Mike Bresnahan

::

A trip to the playoffs wasn't enough to save Jim Boylan's job with the Milwaukee Bucks. The Bucks announced that Boylan won't be offered a new contract. Though Milwaukee made the playoffs for the first time [url=http://www.agoshow.net/2009-All-Star-New-York-Yankees-42-Mariano-Rivera-Blue-Jerseys-20/]2009 All Star New York [url=http://www.agoshow.net/Mets-7-Jose-Reyes-blue-2010-All-Star-Jerseys-41/]Mets 7 Jose Reyes blue 2010 All Star Jerseys[/url] Yankees 42 Mariano Rivera Blue Jerseys[/url] in three years under Boylan, the decision was expected after the Bucks lost 12 of their last 16 games, then were then swept by the Miami Heat, losing all four [url=http://www.agoshow.net/Rays-13-Carl-Crawford-Red-2010-All-Star-Jerseys-47/]Rays 13 Carl Crawford Red 2010 All Star Jerseys[/url] games by double digits.

::

Tiger Woods' two-stroke penalty for a violation at the Masters and the ruling by the event's committee not to disqualify the golfer are being reviewed by the sport's rulemaking bodies. A statement by the R A and the U.S. Golf Assn. didn't include any reference to possible further action against Woods, whose illegal drop was called in on television by David Eger, a rules expert who has worked for the USGA and the PGA Tour.

::

Vijay Singh withdrew from the Wells Fargo Championship in Charlotte, N.C., because of a sore back, one day after the PGA Tour said it would not punish the Fijian for his admission that he used deer antler spray.


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