My Dad Bought Some New Fangled Phones

Much to the dismay of AT&T employees all over the southern states, my Dad and Stepmom bought iPhones and an iPad. This will obviously be providing endless enjoyment to everyone that comes into contact with them for the remainder of all time. Except, that is, for said AT&T employees.

Soon after their purchase, we decided to FaceTime, knowing they would love to see the grandkids via their new ringie dingies.  


The fact that these are referred to as "smart phones" should have been our first clue that our family could not pull this off.

Here's how it went down:

First, I called his phone. No answer.  


Which was weird, because we had just discussed the fact that I would be calling.

Soon I received a call from my stepmother's iPhone instead.  


My dad explained that his phone was not working.  
I asked what was wrong and he said: This damn woman keeps talking to me when she's not supposed to. 


A little probing and we figured out he meant Siri.  Apparently my father feels that Siri is mouthy and out of line.  

So we began talking.  And I began taking pictures.  

It was like walking down a cinematic road, the way he called up memories of terrifying movies.

For a long time, my dad looked like the man behind the curtain from Wizard of Oz.

Then he moved onto his Blair Witch Project impersonation with a lot of shaking of the camera and weird angles as he walked around his house while talking. 

We had long conversations with my dad's finger.

My favorite part came when we asked him if he would go out onto the balcony and show us the view of the beach.  


My dad walked out to the balcony, looked at the beach and kept his phone facing him.  
Then he said, "There, can you see it?".  

Just because you are looking at it with your eyeballs, does not mean we see it.

For my stepmom's sake, I'm hoping he grasps this a little bit better soon.  


Because when I see her this summer, I plan on teaching her how to FaceTime my Dad from another room, simply to ask him to bring her something like a slice of cheese or a tissue. Or to tell him vital celebrity gossip, like the fact that Whitney Houston died.


My husband really loves when I FaceTime him from our bedroom for that stuff.  


Just ask him.

*A small follow up: Shortly after these events took place, my dad actually traded in his phone for a less chatty version of Siri. We all know this does not exist, therefore it was simply the matter of him wearing down some poor AT&T guy that just wanted him out of the store that badly.*