Wednesday, May 2, 2012

The Peephole Dilemma

People are drawn to my door to sell me their wares.  


Whether it be windows, lawn care or trying to sell me their version of Jesus, the peeps just absolutely flock to my door.  Until I lived in this home, I never encountered someone trying to sell me a peep hole but I can now say at least 3 people have stopped by my house ecstatic to provide me with a peephole.  

It takes me awhile to get past the fact that they are saying peephole. Anything that ends in 'hole' is just plain funny.   Because of this fact, I spend at least 15 seconds in my head giggling and picturing 1950's men looking through some hole in the wall at dancing women.  

Once I get past that, I settle into the conversation.  It's intriguing to me that they stop by because I HAVE WINDOWS ON BOTH SIDES OF MY FRONT DOOR.

Peephole Peep:   Hello Ma'am, are you the lady of the house?

This always makes me feel like I'm fancy and should be dressed like Anne of Green Gables. 

Me:  Why, yes I am.  I AM the lady of the house.  

Peephole Peep:  I notice you do not have a peephole in your door.

Me:  No, we do not.  Because we do not want one.

Mr. Peephole:  Well, ma'am I have to say it's a safety issue.

I stare at him.  I want to say, Mr. Peephole, you just knocked on my door and I answered it even though I did not know you from Adam.  Had I owned a peephole, I would have looked out and thought, OH GOD, it's a peephole guy and not answered.  Clearly, neither of us is that bright, so let's keep our judgey pants off, mmmkay?

Instead I say:  We have windows going down both sides of the door, so I can already see whoever knocks.

Perry Peephole:  Well, you'll probably add curtains to the windows on each side of the door.

Me:  No.  Then I'd need to buy a peephole.  And then, when it was all said and done, I would have purchased your peephole and had two curtains custom made for each window.  OR...and I'm just throwing this out there, I could keep things as they are and just look out the window to see who is at the door.

Peepy Peeperson:  You could make the curtains yourself.

Me:  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  

Peephole:  Thanks for your time.   

Me:  You bet.