Friday, July 22, 2011

They Should Give Out Epidurals To Moms Flying With Small Children

Today I am off on a day long journey to spend some time with my family!  This is exciting!  


Today I am off to spend a 3 hour flight with two children on my own.   This is less exciting! 


The pay off will be worth it though:  


Not so much for my fellow travelers; but for me it will be worth it.  


Hey, check me out here today! I am guest posting at The Blog Entourage!


Thanks to Christina Lucas, creator of The Blog Entourage, for choosing my post!  Scroll down a bit on the page and BAM there I am.  


Happy Weekend!  Facebook Friday shall return next week.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Shockingly, It Took Us 3 Months To Meet The Local EMT's

I'm sorry, I have not been blogtastic lately.  I know how it hurts you, my loyal stalkers.  You see, my children are very into themselves and require me to focus on them a great deal.  They are all about being fed, clothed and kept alive in this heat.  It can be a bit much really.


One of the things we do to stay alive even though it's been 459 degrees in Texas for the last 20 days, is swimming.  Lots of swimming.

In order to do this as often as possible, we joined a pool.  Which sounds so innocent, doesn't it?



If you have read my blog long enough, you know we were idiots to think so.


We all enjoyed the pool together the weekend we joined.  Then Monday arrived and my husband went back to work (you know, where people go for adult conversation and to eat lunch in peace), and I loaded up everyone and headed to the pool.


Things were going swimmingly for about an hour.  


See what I did there with 'swimmingly'?  God, it's like I'm a genius.


Anyhoo, Nora decided to go down the water slide.  This appealed to me because I was holding the baby while she swam and it was going to be a lot easier to hold the baby and wait for Nora at the bottom of the slide.  So Nora went down the slide 4,509 times and had a blast.  The 4,510th time is the one that always gets you.


As she came down the slide I heard it.  


*THUNK*  


As my stomach dropped I heard her screams.





You know how your kid has a cry that means she's hurt and a cry that means she's scared?  Then there is the dreaded cry that means she's hurt and scared?  That's what Nora was doing.  


I figured she hit her head and in a millisecond I had to figure what the plan would be when she shot out of the water slide.  I was holding Evie, who sadly at 10 months can't swim (she's a late bloomer), and I couldn't exactly dive under water and swim to the bottom while holding the baby.  So I yelled to the lifeguard stationed at the bottom of the water slide that my kid hit her head.  Nora popped out of the water and to my relief she didn't sink to the bottom, she came out screaming mad and bobbed up out of the water and swam to me.  The lifeguard grabbed her and brought her to the side, while holding her neck in place.  He said to her, "Does it hurt to move your head?"  and she said, "Yes".  And I'm sure it did, she just smacked it on a water slide.


Well, do you know what happens when you answer yes to that question when a lifeguard is holding your head?  I didn't.  In a heart beat hundreds of children were cleared from the pool, all lifeguards reported to my daughter's side and I was suddenly watching her being taken out of the water while strapped to a board to keep her body still.  Then I heard the sirens.  And someone took my baby and said they'd call my husband.  


I was in this strange fog watching this go down.  I was talking with my daughter, who was able to squeeze hands and move her legs and seemed OK.  I just kept thinking, she shot out of the water slide and swam to me...I don't understand why the words "spinal cord injury" are being thrown around.  But I'm no DR, so I was scared too.

Soon the EMTs were telling me they would be taking her to Dallas Childrens Hospital.  In my fog I looked up and mumbled, "We just stayed there a week ago with our other daughter".  I don't know why I said that, but everyone then looked at me like I was clearly a stellar mother if I was visiting Children's Hospitals on a regular basis with multiple children.  



Finally, I decided she did not need to be transported.  I called my husband, we talked about it and her current physical condition and decided against it.  She was moving, talking and acting like herself. 


 In fact at one point she complained that the sun was in her eyes and as her arms were strapped down she could not block the sun herself.  She then directed this big teddy bear of an EMT to shield her from the sun and he dutifully sat that way for the remainder of the time she was on the board.  I was waiting for someone to feed her grapes.


I then signed a thousand legal documents saying that I'm an idiot who didn't think my child needed medical help and my stupidity is my own problem, not something they support in anyway nor should they be held liable for my generally ridonkulous nature.  Then I went home with my children and proceeded to shake my daughter awake all night to assure she did not have a concussion.


You know what's funny about the whole thing?  When we joined the pool I thought, "This is great.  I don't know a soul here.  Who cares about being seen in a swim suit?".  Well that anonymity lasted a whole three days after we joined, then this event occurred.  Now whenever we go to the pool everyone knows us and our coming and goings are marked with a bunch of people waving and talking to us.


And in case you are wondering, Nora was fine.  Two days later we took her back to the pool and made sure she went down the slide again.  Get right back on the horse, right?  


When I say  "we" I mean my husband took her back.  I decided to stay home because my gasping and hemming and hawing doesn't usually help Nora when she's also uncertain.  Weird, huh?

Friday, July 15, 2011

Guess Who's Back? Back Again. Facebook Friday's Back. Tell A Friend.

1.  This week I was at the gym, you know, playing with my phone.  All of a sudden these two nice people that had met each other in the class they'd just been in, began flirting and talking.  I sat there pretending I had super important stuff to do and that I was totally not listening to them, while secretly planning their gym themed wedding in my head, during which I would give a hugely moving toast regarding the moment they met.   Finally the man asked her out and I had to actually talk myself out of leaping from my chair and instigating a group hug between the three of us, because I feel like we went though it together.  That wouldn't have been weird, would it?


2.  I've been watching Ann Coulter do the talk show circuit, because apparently I hate myself.  Every time she's on a show her title says:


Ann Coulter, Demonic author.

And I refuse to take my eyes off it, because I just know that one of these times someone behind the scenes is going to get their balls together and change it to the appropriate title.  


Ann Coulter, demonic author. 


3.  Someone found my blog this week by Googling, "bird likes to lick computer screen".  I think that truly speaks to the awesomeness of my both my writing and my following.


4.  This week a woman in Dallas led the cops on a high speed chase, with her two children in the car.  Upon seeing this on TV, my sister texted me to see if I was that woman.  I think that truly speaks to the awesomeness of both my parenting and my psychological state.


5.  Please read this post and give me tips on how to keep my daughter from becoming a 7 year old Britney Spears.

Friday, July 1, 2011

Facebook Friday Makes Us All Feel Okay!




1.  What kind of kinky sex life do you think those people on the mattress commercials have if they need to make sure one of them can jump up and down while the other stares at a wine glass that is lying on a mattress?

2.  Has your Dad figured out how to take his picture with his computer, mess with it and send it to you?  Because mine did.  Has your Dad asked you not to forward the picture but forgotten to ask you not to post it in your blog?  Because mine did.


I heart his suspenders!


3.)  I stepped on a giant Texas sized cricket with my bare foot yesterday.  I tell this to you, my friends, so that next time you see me there will be no need to ask why I only have one foot.  It's always so awful having to tell the same story over and over.  Obviously, I had to saw the other one off because it would be impossible to rid myself of the memory or the cricket guts any other way.  I plan on keeping the foot and slapping my pest management service across the face with it next time they visit.


4.  Isn't it amazing that we live in a country where in the same week that same-sex marriage is legalized in New York, Michele Bachmann announces her 2012 presidential campaign?  Also, I'm so freaking glad I had my wedding before all these gay men have their weddings.  Because seriously, no one will ever have any event as fabulous as these gay men are about to have, and there is going to be absolutely no way to compete with them.  
I'd be all:  "My DJ gave out crazy props to my guests like toy guitars and stuff to dance with during my reception!"  
And my gay friend would be all, "Oh, honey....".  


5.  Check this site out.  It's called Dear Photograph and it made me both sad and awestruck.  (Not in the way The Bachelorette does, in a good melancholy type of way.)   


Happy 4th of July!  God Bless the USA!  (Aren't I super complex?  My belief in God and my support of gay marriage all in one post! Crazy town!)